CloudXTifa Drabble Fest!
by Nanyoky
Summary: Just blowing off some steam! Have fun if you like the pairings. If not, don't bother. Rated for extream Renoness.
1. Intro

**Hello friends! This is soon to be a very random collection of drabbles, mainly orbiting around Cloud and Tifa. Don't like the pairing? Stop reading, I'm not trying to convert you. But this is not an Aeris bashing collection. So if you're looking for that, go elsewhere. I also love and will most likely include ZackXAeris on a regular basis. Other pairings that might pop up because they are kinda fun are: YuffieXReno (yeahyeah, I know, you all hate me. Deal with it or get out. I'm not like totally devoted to the pairing or anything, it's just nice to have a fun one to mess around with.) MarleneXDenzel (when they are older, obviosly...) SheraXCid (oooo! you're all melting! not a cannon pairing! perish the thought! Again, deal with it. Probably not too much here cuz i don't really remember what she's like so there will be some liberties taken with Shera's personality.)**

**Rating: T because... well, let's just say Reno is involved and leave it at that. You all know how he is.**

**Disclaimer: I'm just going to put a blanket disclaimer on this one. So you know the drill, I own nothing, I'm not even that good of a fan because I haven't played the game since second grade and I've had to be content with Advent Children and the Last Order since my brother stupidly sold the game seven years ago. Also, I read so many other fanfictions that if something you recognize crops up, I'm truely sorry. Just let me know and I'll fix it. That happens sometimes and I feel kinda bad about it...**

**Just to warn you, this is going to be the sappiest fluff you've ever read... sorry. Again, if you don't like it, don't bother telling me how much it sucks, I'll get the message when no one reviews. It will also be most likely OOC because I can't seem to get anything right with these two.**

**I honestly don't like flames simply because they are a waste of time. Here's a novel idea: If it sucks that hard- STOP WASTING YOUR TIME READING IT!!!!!!! What odd and new thinkings I have. Well it works people, trust me. So don't waste my time by telling me I suck. I can get that any time I want if I asked, I don't need it from you.**


	2. Merry Christmas Tifa

**Alright! Here's the first one and I figured I might as well try my luck at a nice light hearted holiday one. If you like Yuffentine, just stop reading now. It's hopeless to try to convince me. Yes I do realize that they most likely do not have Christmas, let alone the Trans Siberian Orchestra in Gaia, but deal with it for now, okay?**

**This is the completely unedited version (Note to Deana: Stop right here before you murder me for my foul dirty language!!!) so I'm giving it a Teen.**

"Hey Teef! Chuck me some tape!"

"Yuffie, get down here and help me with the food before you break your neck." Tifa called over her shoulder while mixing a stir-fry.

"But I've got to make this dump look perfect!" The ninja whined, swinging the garland she was trying to hang sadly. "How can we have a party without decent decorations?"

"By having good food, now get down here," Tifa waved her spatula threateningly at the younger woman.

"Alright fine," she turned around, forgetting that she stood on a thin ladder, and fell.

"Look what I caught."

"Hands to yourself Turk!" Yuffie glared up at Reno, smacking the hand inching toward her backside.

The red head set her upright with a sigh. "What is with all you frigid women?" Yuffie gave him a punch in the stomach for his trouble and stalked away. He bent over, coughing and holding onto the bar for support. "I'm so misunderstood," he pouted, sinking into a stool.

"I'll shed tears of pity for you later," Tifa rolled her eyes.

"You can laugh all you want, but you ladies don't realize that we can't control our selves when you look so good." He sighed dramatically. "Testosterone, what a curse."

"I can see you're all broken up in side. Down boy, and sweep while you're on the floor." She thrust a broom into his hands. "You're so full of it. Not _every_ man can't control himself."

"Alright, name one who's never hit on you."

"Vincent, Cid, Rufus, Red XIII, Barret, Rude and Cloud."

"Oh come on! None of them count!" Reno started ticking off each one on his fingers. "The vamp? Let's just say that his heart wasn't the only thing that got frozen, if you catch my drift; The pilot's married to one hard ass woman; The boss ain't got eyes for anything but paper work; The dog ain't even human; That Avalanche guy's got a little girl, and nothing ruins a mood like that; I'm pretty sure Rude hasn't spoken to anyone but me in the past five years; And that Blondie?" He shrugged. "Through careful analysis, I've concluded he's a fruit."

"Reno!" Tifa scolded. "Just because he doesn't drool every time a girl bends over, doesn't mean he's gay."

"Yeah Turk, Cloudy's straight," Yuffie added in over the door of the fridge.

"Straight as a rainbow," the Turk shot back.

"Where's the rainbow?" Marlene hopped in the room, racing to the window. "I don't see it! Where is it?"

"Nowhere Hun," Tifa shot a withering look at Reno who shrugged it off. "Our friend Reno is just being silly again."

"Aw come on. I haven't even had anything to drink yet," He lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke up towards the fan.

"Out." Tifa pointed a frying pan at Reno like a baseball bat. "You're not smoking that inside with the children."

"What kind of a bar is this if a guy can't have a smoke?" But he put out the offending stick on the bottom of his shoe.

"_My_ bar, now get sweeping or you're scrubbing toilets."

"Yes Ma'am."

"And don't be sarcastic!"

Moments after she set Marlene to work peeling potatoes, the door opened with a flurry of snow followed by a large figure in an over coat.

"Daddy!" potatoes went flying in all directions as Marlene ran to hug Barret around the knees. "Daddy! I'm helping for the party!"

"Way to go Marlene!" He picked her up, swinging her around in a circle. "Daddy's been missing you."

"Me too," she frowned sternly at him. "When are you going to be home for good?"

"Pretty soon, but it's not safe for you to be around when I'm working," Barret hugged her tightly. He looked up, glaring at Yuffie and Reno. "You two ain't been corrupting my baby have you?"

"Oh yeah about that," Reno said sarcastically. "She's up to two packs and a pint a day now, sorry bout that."

Yuffie made the wise choice for once in her life, neglecting to mention her latest project: teaching Marlene the useful skill of pick pocketing. This resulted in many of Denzel's colored pencils going missing. He had recently grown out of crayons and had started to collect more 'mature' artist's tools. The boy came down the stairs as everyone else called their greetings to Barret.

"Has anyone seen my green or light blue?"

"Here's the blue," Marlene handed over the pencil with a sly giggle.

"And the green one is in the guest room on the right, in the back left pocket of my green shorts…" Yuffie stared off into space. No one bothered to ask what she was doing with colored pencils. "But I don't remember where they ended up last night…"

Reno ducked his head to hide a smirk. He didn't remember either. Hell, it had taken him a half hour to find his belt this morning. Tifa's sharp eye was the only one to notice his smug grin. She decided it was best not to mention it just now, but that didn't stop a coarse snort that she artfully turned into a sneeze.

"So where's Spiky?" Barret asked, frowning. "Don't tell me he's skipping out on us."

"No," Tifa tried to make her glance at the clock casual, but she couldn't keep the worried tone from her voice. "He was supposed to be home by now…"

"Don't worry, he'll show," Yuffie said in what she hoped was a confident, reassuring voice. "Everyone knows that blondes are ditzy. He probably just lost track of time getting you the perfect present."

Tifa laughed. "Knowing him, it only just occurred to him five minutes ago that you're supposed to exchange gifts this time of year." But her stomach still knotted, remembering that Cloud had promised to be back at the bar over an hour ago. "Excuse me a minute." She left the room abruptly, heading upstairs into the office. She dialed his number without even looking at the keys. It rang four times before he picked up. Tifa had to hold the phone a few inches from her ear to dull the roar of a motorcycle engine.

"I know." She strained to hear his soft voice.

"What are you doing? You were supposed to be here an hour ago. People are already coming. Reno came last night and Barret just walked in the door." Yuffie had been staying with them for over a week already.

"You invited the Turks?"

"It was an open invitation." She retorted coolly.

"Why'd _he_ come so early?" Cloud disdained Reno most of all the Shinra employees. Though he would never admit it, the reason was mainly the red head's many failed attempts at getting into Tifa's pants.

"I don't know, but he sure found Yuffie's room comfortable."

"Wow…"

"Where are you right now?"

"Uh… just a few blocks away…" There was the blare of a car horn and a shout of:

"Get off your phone you freakin' moron!"

"Up yours!" an engine revved. "Sorry, not you Teef."

"Just get home in one piece okay?"

"Sure." And with a click he was gone.

She sighed, hanging up the phone. What could keep him out so late? On Christmas Eve! She took a deep breath, forcing herself to relax. It was perfectly reasonable for there to be more packages needing to be delivered tonight. And there were plenty of friends downstairs to keep her busy, most of them heavy drinkers…. God it was going to be an interesting night.

When she entered the bar again, Cid and Shera were peeling off their coats.

"Son of a Bitch! I'm freezing my Goddamn ass off!"

Yuffie crashed to the floor. She had tried to dive across the table to cover the children's ears but had underestimated how far she would slide on the freshly polished surface.

"Stop swearin round my baby girl!" Barret roared.

"Oh sorry didn't see them- hey!" Shera plucked the cigar from Cid's mouth and crushed it under her heel.

"No smoking or cursing the rest of the night," she ordered firmly. "This is a family friendly party."

"Yes Queen Shera," Cid rolled his eyes. "Will your Majesty allow me to drink with my friends?"

"Of coarse, I'm not cruel."

"Listen to you two, bickering like an old married couple," Yuffie giggled, completely recovered from her spill. "Wait, you _are_ an old married couple!" she burst into hysterical laughter.

"And she's not even drunk yet," Tifa mused.

"Wait, the brat _hasn't_ been drinking yet?" Barret stared at Yuffie incredulously. "I thought she was already soaked!"

"Not quite!" Yuffie ripped the cap from a bottle with her teeth. "But I ain't stayin sober for long!" She took a swig, rocking back and forth on her heels.

"Intoxicated already I see." Vincent barely opened the door in order to slip in.

"Hey Vinnie!" she threw a bottle at him which he caught deftly.

"No thank you," he set the beer down on a table. "And please refrain from referring to me as 'Vinnie', 'Vamp' or 'Box boy'." He grimaced.

"You forgot 'Emo'." Cid pointed out.

"He didn't say anything about Vince or Vampy either," yuffie giggled.

"Hi Vincent!" his scowl softened as Marlene smiled innocently up at him. "Merry Christmas!"

"The same to you Marlene," he shook her hand gravely.

"Crickey! Ma knickers been frozen to ma-" Cait Sith stopped in mid rant, seeing Denzel looking at him curiously. "Rear." He finished lamely.

Red XIII courteously shook the snow from his fur on the front step. "Good evening everyone." His lone eye roved around the room. "Where is Cloud?"

"He'll be here in a minute," Tifa glanced at the clock. "I talked to him about ten minutes ago… he said he was close…"

"Where've you been Reno!?" the door hadn't even closed before Elena stepped in, followed closely by Tseng and Rude. "We've been working our Asses off all night and today without you!"

"You should really let someone know when you're going to take unauthorized time off," Rude brushed the snow lightly from his suit.

"Then it wouldn't be unauthorized now would it?" Reno smirked, putting his feet up on the table and rocking on the back two legs of his chair. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for the holiday season."

Yuffie whistled with her hands behind her back, obviously thinking this to be inconspicuous. Reno immediately saw what was coming and dropped his chair back down. Instead of sweeping the chair from under him as she had apparently intended, Yuffie stubbed her toe and fell to the ground cursing.

"Stop cussin round the children lassie!" Cait Sith called from his place at the bar.

"Boss said he'd be here in a bit," Tseng informed the room at large. "He's just finishing up some paper work."

"Well we're all happy to have you all here," Tifa said diplomatically, daring the others with her eyes to disagree. Barret fidgeted but said nothing. "That will be almost everyone then. Should we wait for Rufus and Cloud? Or eat now?"

"Now!" Yuffie cried. "I'm starving!"

"It makes no difference to me," Red XIII curled up in the corner by the furnace.

"it's his own fault he's late!" Cid waved a hand impatiently.

"Yeah, we could be up all night waiting for his skinny white a-" Barret caught himself just in time. "Butt."

"But what if it's all gone when they get here?" Marlene turned her puppy dog eyes on them. "Everyone should have good food at Christmas time."

"Marlee's right. We can't eat without Cloud," Denzel piped in.

No one could disagree with the two children, so it was decided the food could wait.

"What are we going to do until then?" Reno asked in a bored voice.

"Why don't you kids decorate the tree?" Tifa suggested. "I got the ornaments down this morning."

"I love the decorating!" Marlene bounced over to the small fir. "Come on! What are you waiting for Denz?" The adults watched them carefully put up each delicate ornament until Marlene turned around, her hands on her hips. "We can't reach the top you know!" She stormed over to Rude as everyone laughed. She pressed a plastic Santa into his large hand. "Put it up by the top." She ordered.

The rest tried not to laugh as the tall man obeyed silently. A few minutes later, the door swung open and Tifa's breath caught in her throat. Finally, he was here and she could stop worrying and start enjoying herself. But just as she was about to call out a greeting, the snow cleared and Rufus stood in the doorway, his signiture white suit dusted in snow. Tifa allowed herself a moment of disappointment before smiling. "Glad you could make it!"

"Glad to be anywhere but the office," the president of Shinra grimaced.

Barret clenched his fist, moments from eruption. Tifa gave him a warning look that clearly said; 'He wasn't involved. They are our friends now. Behave yourself and be nice.' To his credit, the large man barely squirmed when Rufus took a seat on the stool next to him.

"So we're only waiting for Blondie?" Yuffie frowned. "What's taking him?"

"Ah the lad's an odd bloke," Cait Sith said wisely. "But not a bad one, eh?"

"Ah them pretty boy's are all the same," Cid scoffed. "Think they can just leave everyone else hangin."

"Well if he don't get here soon, he ain't gunna be so pretty no more," Barret cracked the knuckles on his remaining hand. "I'm starving!"

"I'll call again, just to make sure everything's alright," Tifa retreated up the stairs again. This time she had to suffer five rings before he answered.

"I'm sorry."

"Where the _hell_ are you?!" she hissed into the phone. The chatter from downstairs would most likely cover her voice, but she kept it low just in case. "Everyone's getting hungry!"

"Go ahead and eat without me. I'm almost there."

"What are you talking about?! I can't even hear your bike!" Tifa was rapidly losing her temper. "Cloud, _where are you_?"

"On my way, sorry got to go."

"Cloud you get your ass home right now or I'll-" but he had already hung up. She threw the phone at the opposite wall in frustration. "Dammit!" There was a small knock on the doorway. Tifa turned around to find Shera looking at her worriedly.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking uncomfortable. "But I really couldn't help over hearing."

"Oh no it's fine," Tifa ran a hand through her hair. "Sorry, I'm just a little stressed right now."

"Uh huh," Shera nodded skeptically. "Bull. You tell me what's wrong." She crossed her arms sternly. "Is it that man of yours, making you wait around for him?"

Tifa forced a laugh. "Who? Cloud? You're joking."

"Of coarse not," Shera narrowed her eyes shrewdly. "I never joke about important things like love. I've seen the way you two look at each other. But you're like grade schoolers and your first crush. Too shy for your own good. Grow up!"

Tifa didn't know what to say to this, so she decided not to dignify it with a response. "We need some music," She commented, shuffling a stack of CDs.

"It took Cid years to figure himself out," Shera continued. "Maybe people are right about blondes. The men anyway."

"Carols or piano music?"

"But you do realize that it goes both ways don't you?"

"I love the piano, but it is Christmas."

"You've got to let him know it's safe. The way's clear and you want him too. Are you listening to me?" Shera snapped her fingers in front of Tifa's face. "Hey! You awake in there?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Give it a rest, will you? It's got nothing to do with Cloud. I don't come all on my own you know. There's the kids to think of. What man would even think of a bar keeper running an orphanage?"

"I'll tell you what man," Shera was getting more bold with her proclamations as she went. "The man who has lived with you the past two years and who is adored by all those kids you mentioned."

Tifa sighed, giving up her cherade. "Don't you think that might be why he hasn't- you know- said something by now? He doesn't want the responsibility of raising children that aren't his?"

"Are we even talking about the same person?" Shera threw her hands up. "Who are you talking about? Cuz I'm talking about _Cloud Strife_, you know, the guy who thinks it's his responsibility that the sun comes up every morning! He's saved the world a fair few times, I think he can handle a few little ones."

"Hmm…" Tifa picked up the phone from where she had thrown it. "Damn, I lost the batteries." She set it on Cloud's desk, her hand pausing near the photos propped up there. "I never liked this one," she commented, running a fingertip along the frame. "Even the kids look sad. But that was when he'd leave…. For weeks sometimes…"

"Listen to me, you're young! Don't waste these years you've got until you're old like me."

"You aren't old."

"40 this summer," Shera informed her. "What about you? Early to mid twenties right?"

Tifa nodded.

"See? Why waste the good years while you've got them? Beauty is only skin deep, but it doesn't exactly hurt. And that isn't exactly in short supply with this romance." Shera sighed when Tifa offered no response except to turn brick red. "All right, the old lady's ranting is done. Just come down with me before people start to worry."

Tifa followed her with a sigh, unwelcome thoughts running around her head. Maybe Shera was right. But no! It was too late for the both of them, she knew that. There would be no fairy tale ending for Tifa Lockhart.

"So what's up with Spike?" Barret asked. "He comin or what?"

"He says he's on his way," Tifa tried to keep her voice as light and casual as possible. "But to eat without him."

"He better be here for the presents," Marlene humphed disapprovingly. "Denzel's presents are the best! But he says I can't tell what they are."

"Shh!" Denzel shushed her frantically. "I want it to be a surprise…"

"I'll get the food out," Tifa offered. "Sit down and clear a space would you?"

A few minutes later, they were all enjoying Tifa's deliciose cooking.

"Where do you get these noodles?" Yuffie asked, slurping noisily. "I'd love having these back home!"

"Cloud picks them up special," Tifa blushed happily as everyone expressed their pleasure in different ways. "There's this grocer who pays him in foreign foods. Pretty weird, but nice for a change of pace. But what makes them good is the peanut sauce from Wutai."

When everyone had finished eating, Marlene took out the last of the decorations. "The angel goes on top." She informed Vincent, gently cradeling the doll-like figure. "Be real careful or she'll fall."

He took it and only paused a moment; staring at the heavenly host's clasped hands, closed eyes and long brown hair. When he had set it gently on top, Marlene clapped her hands.

"Perfect! Good job, I told you decorating wasn't hard."

"… Angels don't remain on this earth very long…" he said softly to no one in particular. Anyone who knew of their dark friend's tragic past searched for a change of subject.

"What's for dessert Teef? Or do we go straight to the booze?" Yuffie always had a way with words.

"I don't have anything very special, but someone could get the candy canes and cookies while I do up the dishes," Tifa suggested.

"Don't be rediculouse," Rufus tried gathering a few plates himself, nearly dropping most of them.

"Yeah, you cook, we clean," Cid balanced a stack of glasses on one hand while snatching up serving bowls with the other.

Tifa watched the other's hap hazard attempts at cleaning, laughing when Yuffie, seeing that his hands were full, pushed a handful of spoons into Barret's mouth.

"What do you think you're doin you little snot?!" he roared when he had set down his load and spit the spoons into the sink.

"Why take more than one trip?" she asked logically. "I was doing you a favor."

"Next time you want to do me a favor, don't alright?"

"Step aside lad," Cait Sith ordered Tseng who was staring blankly at the sink. "I'll show ya how it's dun." He twisted the hot water knob with both front paws and knocking over the dish soap with his tail. When enough suds had squirted in, he kicked it back up with his hind leg. "Start scrubbin, lad." He ordered, drying his paws on a towel. "One a ya get a rag ta dry."

No one disputed his authority, as not one of them (except perhaps Shera) had so much as held a bottle of detergant before.

"What the hell is this?" Tseng held up a brillo pad, looking as though he was about to cry.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Tifa opened the connecting door from the kitchen with her hip, carrying platters of cookies. "I feel so rude watching you all work."

"Oh no," Elena elbowed her partner in the stomach. "We'll be fine. You relax for awhile."

"Alright…" She caught Marlene by the arm as the little girl ran past. "Could you pick out some music for us to listen to?"

"Sure!" the girl scampered off, then ran back. "What's your favorite chistmas song?"

"Mine?" Tifa thought for a moment. "I'd have to say 'Carol of the Bells'. It's so pretty."

"Thanks!" Marlene ran off again, grabbing a handful of candy canes to pass out as she went. She held one out to Reno, who had somehow avoided cleaning duties entirely.

"Thanks kid," he took the sweet and bit off one end.

Marlene looked at him as though he had just kicked a puppy in the face.

"What are you doing?! You can't eat a candy cane like that!"

"I can't?" he blinked, still crunching.

"Of coarse not! Haven't you ever had a candy cane before?" she demanded, climbing up onto the seat next to him.

"I dunno. Maybe."

Marlene then took it upon herself to teach the Turk the 'proper' way to eat a candy cane.

"I tell ya, that Chocobo head is startin, to tick me off!" Yuffie called over the clink of dishes being washed. "I swear, if he ain't here in the next five minutes, I'm shaving his head while he's asleep."

"Who's head?"

"Cloud!" Marlene and Denzel rocketed across the room to hug the sword weilding blonde.

"Hi everyone. Sorry I'm late."

"Where've you been Spikey?" Barret clapped him on the back, knocking the breath out of his lungs. "We been waitin forever!"

"I just had to make a couple more stops on the way here," he coughed, removing his sword sheath and sunglasses. "Sorry. But it was important." He gave Tifa an apologetic look. She tried to answer cooly but it was hard to be angry with him when she was so relieved he had come.

"That's alright. Are you hungry? I can warm something up if you want."

"No that's okay," he sunk gratefully into a chair, looking tired.

"Well now that everyone's here, we can finally party!" Cid opened a bottle and threw a second to Cloud. "Have a drink man, you'll feel better."

"Thanks," No one noticed that Cloud only pretended to drink along with the rest.

"Yuffie? What's your favorite Christmas song?" Marlene asked the tiny ninja.

"Uhh…" she thought for a moment, bouncing subconciosly on the spot. "Santa baby!"

"What about you Cid?"

"I dunno, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, how bout that one? Why are you askin little lady?"

Marlene handed them each a candy cane. "I've got to pick the music for tonight," she said proudly. "So I'm asking everyone their favorite song." She tugged at Vincent's cloak. "What's yours?"

He smiled softly down at her. "Silent Night."

"Cloud what's your favorite Christmas song?" she continued her survey on the other side of the room.

"Uh…. What's that one…? Sera Jevo."

"Thanks!" soon, she had everyone's answer and picked the appropriet CDs out from her case.

"Thank you Marlene, that's much better," tifa smiled as their own selections blared from the old player in the corner. "You did a very good job."

Marlene giggled happily, giving her gaurdian a hug. "Are we going to open presents now? Cloud's here."

Thinking it best to put the children to bed before her friends started drinking in earnest, Tifa nodded. "I think it's about time we exchanged our gifts." She called over the chatter.

There was general agreement and Denzel ran upstairs.They laughed and joked as they opened variose packages of weapons and other life nessecities. Marlene gave a piercing shriek when Barret unvieled her new dollhouse. Denzel came down after a few minutes, shyly handing each of the party goers a portrait of themselves.

"These are beautiful Denzel," Tifa's breath caught in her throat as she looked at a 2D version of herself, even if it was much prettier than she thought herself to be in real life. "Thank you so much," She pulled a wooden case from behind her back. "And here's your present, it's from all of us."

Denzel's eyes went wide as he opened the case to find rows of neatly sharpened charcoal, pencils, pastels and packs of moldable earaser, surrounding a thick sketch book.

"Thank you," he breathed, as though if he wasn't careful, the gift might disapear.

Tifa let the children stay up a little longer to try out their new presents. Once Yuffie's speech started to slur and her language became steadily more dirty, she rushed the kids upstairs and into their bedroom.

'Good night you two. Christmas comes early in the morning," she kissed them both good night and shut off the light. When she returned to the bar, the party had gotten considerably more wild. Yuffie was on the bar, dancing in a way she never would have, had she been sober. Barret was determined to beat Vincent at bloody knuckles, but was too drunk to see his draconic friend's smug smirk. He was using his metal claw of a hand. Cid and Cait Sith were putting on a double act for those not previosly engaged, juggling whiskey bottles across the bar. The no longer business like Elani was laughing hysterically at Reno and Tseng's game of spoons. Tifa shook her head, smiling and made her way over to where Cloud sat quietly.

"Put the kids to bed?"

"Yeah. I didn't want them around for this," she jerked her head pointedly at Yuffie, who's dance was getting more like a strip tease by the minute.

"Good plan," he raised a bottle to his lips before setting it down, as though he had thought better of it. "Sorry I didn't give you your gift yet."

Tifa blinked. In all the commotion, she hadn't noticed. "That's alright. You don't need to get me anything."

"No I've got one… on the way here. I'll just give it to you later." He cleared his throat, staring across the room as though suddenly very interested in a story Rufus was telling about a girl he had met in Kalm

Tifa didn't know what to say to this. Sometimes Cloud acted so strange. "Well thank you in advance. I'm sure I'll love it."

"I hope so."

"So seriose aren't you?" she laughed. "What's with you tonight? You're so mysteriose."

He smiled and Tifa had to hold in a sigh. She would never get tired of his rare smiles. He had gone without one for so long. "I guess I'm just tired."

"Well hang in there a little bit longer. It's so nice having everyone together for once.

"Yeah… What the-" he looked up as something green hit him in the face. Yuffie had finally hopped down from the bar and found a bowl of mistletoe. Cloud grimaced as the two of them were barraged with plant life.

"Not very subtle is she?" Tifa commented, picking a sprig from her hair.

"You don't say."

"Was that a joke Mr. Strife?"

"No."

"I think it was," she teased, punching his shoulder playfully. "This is good for you. We should have all the drunks over more often."

"You _do_ own a bar Teef," he yawned, putting his feet up on the nearest vacant chair. "It can't be that hard."

"you're just Mr. Funnypants now aren't you?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Funnypants? I didn't think _you'd_ been drinking too."

"I haven't. Cut me some slack, I've been trying to teach Yuffie to clean all day."

"My sypathies."

"See? You're just full of jokes tonight." She giggled

"But you just said I was being too mysteriose."

"I know! That's why it's so funny." She laughed harder. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. I must be stressed."

"Stressed huh? That seems to be the excuse of the night, now isn't it?" Shera had over heard again.

"Huh?" Cloud looked up, confused.

"Aw, nothin that concerns you Boy," the older woman smiled evilly at Tifa's death glare. "It's just that the holidays seem to be a rough time for this one." She clapped Tifa on the back.

"What's goin on over here?" Reno slid into a seat at their table, slapping down a deck of cards.

"Nothing," greatful for the interuption, Tifa cleared a space on the table. "Anyone up for a game of poker?"

"I'll play!" Yuffie skipped over.

"I'll give it a shot." Barret swerved to their table.

" Count me in," Elani slid sluggishly into the seat next to Reno.

"Why not?" Tseng slurred.

"Hit me!"

"That's BlackJack Cid."

"All the same, just give me some cards."

"I guess I'll play," Cloud shrugged, sitting up a bit straighter.

"What's the call?" Reno asked, shuffeling his deck. "Hold'm? 5 card?" He smirked. "Strip?"

"Hell yeah baby!" Yuffie hopped up and down excitedly.

"Why not, I ain't rememberin a thing tomarrow," Tseng took another swig from his brandy bottle.

"On second thought, count me out. I'm going to bed," Cloud got up hastily.

"Aww, sit 'own buddy. You got layers," Barret put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him down.

"What's wrong? Afraid?" reno asked innocently, dealing the table.

"Forget it, you're all drunk anyway. It wouldn't be fair." Cloud stood again and waved a hand to the whole room. "G'night. Sorry I couldn't be here earlier."

"Night Cloud!"

"Merry Christmas pretty boy!"

"Take care of yourself Blondie!"

"Yeah sure."

Tifa yawned. "I think I'll go to bed too. It's getting late and Lord only knows how early those kids will wake up."

"Teef! Wait- Stop it!" Yuffie giggled as Reno pulled her into his lap, trying to twist her around to kiss her. "Quit that! I'm trying to tell Teef somethin important!"

Tifa paused, rolling her eyes as the red headed Turk ignored Yuffie's protests.

"Teef! TeefTeefTeef!" she finally escaped Reno's hold, smacking his hands away. "Wait up a sec." She staggered over to Tifa who grimaced as the younger woman's alcohol soaked breath hit her full in the face. "TeefTeefTeef!" she repeated, giggling. "Remember to- what I mean is-" she snorted, holding onto Tifa's shoulder to hold herself up. "Don't forget protection!" at that, she burst into a furiose fit of giggles and fell back into Reno's lap. Tifa rolled her eyes and continued her way upstairs.

When she walked past the laundry room, she noticed that the load she had thrown in was dry. Pulling the clothes out, she sighed with a small smile. Dull purple and black. She carried the basket down the hall and knocked on Cloud's door.

"It's open."

"Your clothes are done," she walked in and set the hamper on his small creaky bed. He nodded, pulling off his gloves. Tifa turned to leave but stopped, something on his desk catching her eye. "This is pretty." She commented nonchalantly, picking up the small gold ring.

"I thought so too," he sat on his bed, back to her, and began unlacing his boots.

"Where'd you get it?" she studied the ring, turning it over in her fingers slowly.

"I dunno. That shop out of town."

"Must have been expensive."

" Hmm. Guess so."

"I like it."

"Good. I hoped you would."

"Good night."

"Night."

She turned to leave again, but went a complete 360 degrees, laughing and ran to kiss him.

"You're such a pansy!" she exclaimed after they had broken apart, slapping his arm.

"I assume that's a yes?" he tried to hide the grin that was taking over his face.

"Shut up. You have the worst sense of humor."

"Merry Christmas Tifa."

**Sorry... that was soooo dorky. Yes. That was Cloud's sorry excuse for a proposal. But can't you see him doing that? As always, review and I'm sorry.**


	3. The Final Christmas Carol, part 1

**Deck the halls y'all! I figured that if I didn't post the first part of this now, I won't have any motivation until next year to finish it up. This takes place about a year after the game and a year before the movie (which my brother got for me for christmas! 3s to DEDone!). Obviosly, it's a spoof on The Christmas Carol. I took some licence with Cloud's past self (IE the speech impediment) because I wanted a reason for him to be a social outcast other than what we already know. It's considerably more dramatic than the last one so sorry if you only like comedy.**

"Good night!"

"Night."

Cloud closed his door with a sigh. He was not looking forward to being woken in the morning by the screaming children. What was it about Christmas that made him so irritable? He couldn't help it. It wasn't something under his control.

"Hey Little Buddy!"

"Holy-"

The black haired man perched comfortably on his dresser laughed. "I've always wanted to do that! Scared ya didn't I?"

"What the hell is going on!?" Cloud's hands shook as he fumbled to turn on the light. Blinking rapidly in the hopes he was just seeing…. And _hearing_ things. He wasn't. Zack Fair was sitting on his dresser, looking just as he had the last time he had seen him. Bullet holes and all.

Zack grinned mischievously, seeing the direction of his gaze. "Pretty gnarly huh? Wanna touch it?"

"No I don't want to touch it!" Cloud exclaimed, staring at the gory mass of mincemeat that was the left side of Zack's chest.

"It's kinda cool. I don't even bleed or nothin."

"Stop it!" Cloud stared at him in shock. If he was really here, how could he speak of his death so casually?

"Oh come on man! Lighten up!" Zack hopped off the dresser, wandering over to look him up and down. "You've grown up a bit. Not such a baby face anymore. But still twitchy as hell."

"This isn't happening. You're dead!"

"Really?" Zack look down at his chest in mock surprise. "I hadn't noticed."  
"What's going on? Why are you here?" Cloud felt as though his head was being dumped in ice water as his old friend reached out to ruffle his hair.

"I ain't solid? What a jip." The SOLDIER sighed, watching his hand as he clenched it. "How the hell am I supposed to haunt people if I can't chuck stuff at them?"

"You aren't here to haunt me are you?" Cloud's eyes went wide. "I'm sorry! I should have fought with you! I-"

"Aw shut up," Zack scowled at him. "You woulda only gotten yourself killed too."

"I should have died along with you. You saved me and I just sat by and watched you die."

"I told ya to shut up! We're friends right? Friends don't hold grudges. Especially when it wasn't even their fault. I'm not here to haunt you all right? I came for a reason," Zack shrugged, obviously not very concerned with getting to the point. "Truth is I _know_ how life's been goin for ya. I been keeping an eye on you."

"And?" Cloud crossed his arms rigidly. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of someone watching his every move, no matter how sorry he was his friend had died.

"And? And stop whining you little emo!" Zack tried to smack him upside the head but his hand passed through, not even ruffling the mass of blond spikes. "For the love of the planet Cloud! We leave and you mope around like some Goddamn drama queen!"

Cloud, slightly taken aback, blinked. "What do you mean 'we'?"

"Me 'n Aeris. Whodya think?" Zack shook his head. "Truth be told, I was a little worried about you. What were you thinking? Well, obviously you weren't thinking. Did you honestly take me literally when I said you were the proof I lived?"

"I was wrong…" Cloud mumbled defensively. "You know I have it all straight now. I'm not running from it any more."

"Yeah, you ain't runnin, yer standin still!" Zack snorted. "Big difference, but I don' know which is worse."

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, his slow temper just starting to boil. "I did everything I should! I killed Sepheroth! I kept the others safe! After she died… I set things right! Everyone else is all right!"

"Oh really?" Zack raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. "Everyone? Aren't you forgetting someone?"

"No."

"How about yourself?"

"What are you talking about? I'm alive aren't I?"

Zack tried to smack him again. "This is really starting to tick me off…" he grumbled, cussing darkly under his breath. "But don't you know that breathin 'n shit ain't all there is to livin? Hell, _I'm_ more alive than you right now."

"I can see that."

"Don't be a smart ass," Zack tried hitting him a few more times and Cloud shivered. Each attempted blow was like a wave of ice. Finally Zack stopped, scowling. "Anyway, you aren't living the life you got and that's a fact. So that's why I'm here."

"I suppose _you_ know how to live."

"Damn straight! But I'm just the messenger. I'm here to tell ya bout the others comin to see ya tonight. They're gunna help you see the joy of the season or some other shit like that."

"I'm not going to lie. This sounds like it's going to suck."

"Good. Maybe you'll learn something then for once." He glanced at the alarm clock on Cloud's side table. "The first is comin in about an hour. Get as much sleep as you can until she gets here." He started to fade. "See you later little buddy!" And he was gone. Cloud shook his head and slumped into his desk chair. Get some sleep. Yeah right.

* * *

Cloud woke with a start, sitting up straight at his desk. He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. What a dream. He often had dreams of Zack and more often Aeris, but usually it was a nightmare, reliving their deaths. He was never able to actually speak to them.

"So you're awake."

He jumped to his feet with his fists raised, ready for action. There she was, sitting casually on his bed, her feet swinging back and forth.

Aeris's eyes crinkled as she laughed. "You've got the silliest look on your face."

"You- I mean- you're- you're here!" he stammered, hardly daring to believe his eyes. Seeing her here brought so many mixed feelings, he almost wished he hadn't woken up at all.

"It's been a while hasn't it?" she stood, smiling warmly. "It's good to see you Cloud."

He stood, rooted to the spot. She was just as beautiful as when she was alive… except for one thing…

"It's alright Cloud. It doesn't hurt at all." She said knowingly. He stared at the floor to avoid looking at the gaping hole that went all the way through her stomach to her back.

"I'm so sorry," he choked, putting a hand to his face. "it's all my fault…"

"No it's not," he felt thin arms wrap around him. "I never blamed you once. Now stop that!" she stepped back, brushing the bangs from his face motheringly.

Despite the odd sense of warmth that emanated from her, he shivered. "You can touch me. You- you're solid…"

"Yes," she smiled. "Poor Zack. He was so frustrated that he couldn't."

"Why…?" Cloud croaked. This was too much. Much worse than Zack. He had finally begun to heal after what happened to the SOLDIER, but Aeris had only been killed a year ago. "Why are you here?"

"To show you something." She held out her hand. "Come on! Let's go. I don't want to be late!"

He took her hand reluctantly as she opened the window, climbing unsteadily onto the sill.

"Careful!" he put his arm out, ready in case she fell.

She laughed. "You're such a worry wart! Let's go!" And she jumped out of the window. Cloud lunged in horror to catch her but lost his own balance and plunged down after her. He yelled, closing his eyes and waiting for the impact he knew was coming.

But one never came. Aeris laughed joyfully as they swooped over the shed that housed his Fenrir.

"Isn't this great?" she cried, pulling him along behind her as they flew over Edge. "Everything's so pretty at night. You all set up a wonderful town."

"Where are we going?" he shouted over the howling of the wind.

"Back!" she laughed in pure joy. "Nibelheim was such a cute little town"

Cloud swallowed. Nibelheim. He never wanted to go back there. But before he knew it, instead of a sprawling urban city, a small mountain village was stretched out beneath them.

"What the-" His eyes went wide as he took in the cozy buildings. "But Sephiroth-"

"I told you. We're going _back_. Thirteen years to be exact. Here we are." She bent forward and they landed lightly in the snow. Cloud blinked. The schoolyard was as bright as day. In fact, looking to the west, he saw the sun hanging far above the mountains. How could it be daytime? Then again, how could he have flown back in time with a dead woman?

A bell rang and the doors of the small school burst open, sending children running in all directions.

Aeris smiled. "They're so cute. So innocent."

"Yeah some of them." Cloud tried to steer her gently away from a small group of boys laughing and joking. "Let's go, alright?"

"Oh no. You're not getting out of this," she said and Cloud was surprised to find her voice firm and cold. "The whole point is for you to watch. Now look, there you are." It was not a request. She pointed at a short and thin figure, hunched over from the weight of a tattered leather school bag on his back. The boy was only a few yards away, getting closer by the minute. Cloud swallowed, looking into the dull blue gray eyes of his nine-year-old self. Before he could even say a word to Aeris, he noticed the boys he had been trying to avoid earlier stop their laughing.

"Hey," one slapped the shoulder of the tall boy next to him, pointing in the direction of young Cloud. "Watch this." He bent down and packed snow around a marble sized rock. Cloud winced as the projectile hit his past self in the back of the head and knocked the small boy over. The boys laughed.

"Oh what a horrible little child!" Aeris exclaimed. "I have half a mind to-"

"Ryan Kilpki." Cloud informed her grimly, watching the small boy push himself off the ground.

"Hey Tard! You okay?" one of the boys called mockingly.

The young Cloud got shakily to his feet, not saying anything.

"Oh how could anyone hurt you? You were the cutest little boy!" Aeris frowned fiercely at the group of boys.

"Can't the retard speak?"

"Sh-shut-t up…" the boy stammered. "I'm n-not a ret-t-tard."

"Then how come you can't talk?" Ryan and his friends made their way toward the younger boy.

"I c-can t-talk…"

"No you can't. You don't need to strain yourself, retard. We know your brain's broke."

"Yeah, let me help you out," another boy stepped forward, pretending to brush off his jacket, pushing him into a snow bank.

"St-stop it. I'll b-beat-t you all…" the little boy rolled around the snow, trying to stand again in vain. The bullies laughed at his futile attempts.

"Face it, you'll always be the bastard retard. You can't touch us!" Ryan kicked him in the stomach, getting a weak cry out of the small boy. "Where's your dad retard?"

"Sh-shut up."

"Hey retard, I asked you a question. Where's your daddy?" Ryan grabbed Cloud's collar and pulled him up. "Why don't you tell me? I'll leave you alone."

"N-no you w-won't"

"Aw, the retard doesn't get it," a larger boy cracked his knuckles. "Let's help him understand."

Two boys grabbed Cloud's arms and held him upright. Aeris gasped in shock.

"L-let go! I'll g-get you! You j-just wait-t! I'll- oof!" The large boy punched him in the stomach, causing him to go limp in the arms of the other two, coughing and wheezing. He dealt a few more blows to him before a voiced called out.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh man! It's that Lockhart girl!"

"Let go of him! He's littler than you!" a tall brunet stormed over to them. "What are you doing?"

"Nothin. The Special Ed kid fell so we were helping him up."

"Then why is he coughing?"

"I dunno. Maybe he's sick. We'd better get him home. So if you know what's good for you, you'll let us be on our way," Ryan sneered at her.

"Hmm," The girl hitched up her suspenders that supported her black wool pants. "I don't think that's a good idea. I'll take him home. He lives next door."

"She's as stupid as the Tard!" one boy laughed. "She doesn't get it either!"

"Oh I get it," she rolled up the sleeves of her white turtleneck, standing perfectly balanced, her fists raised. "Just let him go and I won't have to teach you a lesson!"

The boys laughed even harder than before.

"Isn't that cute? The bastard retard needs a girl to fight for him!"

The brunet frowned, loosing her patience. "Why does everyone think they can pick on me cuz I'm a girl? Bet you boys can't do this!" she swung down, kicking Ryan's legs out from under him. The other boys stood stunned as she sprung back up, sending a rapid fire of punches at them.

"She's so good! I'm jealous," Aeris commented serenely.

They ran, Ryan scrambling to his feet and wiping the trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth.

"You two are perfect for each other!" he called as he retreated. "A retard and a crazy witch! Real girls don't fight!"

"Humph." Tifa flicked her hair over her shoulder. "Are you okay?" she bent down in front of Cloud, offering her hand.

"Y-yeah." He looked up, pushing himself back up and ignoring her hand.

"Why were they beating up on you?"

"I d-dunno. They s-said I'm a-a ret-tard." He wiped his nose, which had started to bleed. "C-cuz I c-can't-t t-talk right."

"you're not a retard," Tifa assured him. "_They_ are if that's what they think. You just need confidence."

"Tifa's always been such a sweet heart," Aeris smiled. "Even when she was little like this! I miss her. You'll tell her that won't you?"

"Sure…" Cloud didn't know how he would tell someone that a dead friend missed her.

"C-confid-d-dence?"

"Yeah. It's when you feel good about yourself." She put her hands on her hips. "And I don't think you've got any."

"Hey Tifa! Who're you talking to?"

"Come on! Let's go sledding!"

Tifa glanced over her shoulder at her friends. "No you guys go on. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Who's that?"

"I dunno. I think she's talking to that slow kid."

Tifa scowled at her friend's retreating backs. "Marsha isn't being very nice lately," she commented. "Come on. You live on my street, we can walk home together."

"S-some d-day I won't need-d anyone t-to help me," Cloud informed her defiantly. "Why d-don't you th-think I'm a r-ret-Tard?"

"Cuz retards don't know how to read," she said simply. "I see you reading at lunch sometimes. Just because you stutter doesn't mean you're brains are any different. What are you doing for Christmas?"

"St-staying home." He mumbled.

"Oh come on, just with your parents? Don't you have any other relatives?"

"Mayb-be. B-but they're p-probably st-stupid like ev-everyone else."

Cloud winced at the small boy's pronouncement. What was wrong with him? Why was he such a cynical child?

"Do you really think everyone is stupid?" Tifa frowned at him.

"Th-the people I know." He kicked a loose rock on the ground. "Cept y-you." He looked up shyly. "You're n-nice and d-don't wand-der around st-stupid."

"It's not very nice to call people stupid," she informed him disapprovingly.

"Even if it's t-true?"

"Yes. What do you and your family do for Christmas?" she changed the subject. "Me and my mom used to bake cookies and open presents with my dad… But she left."

"I open p-presents w-with my mom."

"What about your dad?"

"I d-don't g-got one."

"Oh. That's too bad. But I'm sure he's the nicest dad ever, he just can't see you right now. Like my mom. She's gone, but when the snow melts, I'm going to go to Mt. Nibel to see her. Just wait. He'll come and find you some day."

"N-no." Cloud shook his head. "I d-don't think so."

"Well I do," she said with finality, as though that made up for Cloud's lack of faith. "Why don't you ever talk to anyone?"

"C-cuz they're d-dumb and j-just make fun of m-me," he mumbled. He suddenly reached a hand into his jacket, pulling out a small package. "G-good, they d-didn't b-break it."

"What's that?" Tifa asked curiously.

"My m-mom said th-that I should g-give it t-to t-t-t-teacher. But I d-don't like her. She says I'm slow. S-so I hid it." He held out the package. "D-do you w-want it?"

"Oh that's so cute!" Aeris gushed. "See? Even when you were so full of contempt, you were still a sweet little boy on the inside."

"What is it?" Tifa asked, excited. She opened the package carefully and pulled out a shining red rock on a black cord. "It's really pretty…" she breathed, watching the stone shine in the light. "Where did you get it?"

"I m-made it. I f-found the r-rock on the m-mountains."

"Thanks Cloud!" she laughed, putting it around her neck.

"You kn-now m-my name?"

"Yeah. My mom always used to call you 'That poor little Strife boy next door,' she said the reason that you stutter is that you're just scared you'll say something wrong."

"N-no I'm n-not."

"Well don't get mad at me. I didn't say it." She put her hands on her hips. "You're kinda funny. Sometimes you're really sweet and sometimes you're not very nice at all."

"Well if b-bein nice m-means I have t-t-to t-talk t-to st-stupid people, I d-don't want t-to be n-nice."

"Why do you think everyone's stupid?" Tifa asked. Her kind heart couldn't imagine a way to think ill of others.

"B-because they d-don't know me, and they d-don't want t-to t-t-try."

"Well why don't you make it easier for people to get to know you? I'm sure people wouldn't make fun of you if you just tried to talk to them a little."

"Y-yes they w-would."

"How do you know? You've never tried. My mom always says that you have to expect the best out of people. I miss her. I wonder why she can't come home…"

"Of c-coarse she c-can't. She's d-d-d-dead." The little Cloud frowned.

"No she's not! What a horrible thing to say to someone!" Tifa's eyes filled with tears. "You're a nasty little boy! No wonder no one talks to you! My mom is on Mt. Nibel!"

"Well th-that's what ev-every one s-s-says," he shrugged. "Th-they say th-that she d-d-died and you're j-j-just c-confused."

"Stop lying!" she cried, stamping her foot. "Why did I even try to be nice to you? You're a meany!" And with that she stormed off, leaving the little boy standing alone on their street.

"Oh dear. That didn't go very well at all…" Aeris bit her lip. "No wonder you two weren't friends as kids… I thought there had to be something…"

"Yeah well now you know," Cloud grunted. "I was the bastard retard that didn't work well with others. That's all there is to it."

"Oh but I'm sure you had _some_ friends…"

"No. Didn't you here him? 'Everyone's stupid but me.' That's how I thought back then. I couldn't talk to any one but my mother and Tifa."

"But you grew out of the stuttering," Aeris protested. "And that spring…"

"Was when she fell." He refused to look up. "I tried to catch her but I fell too. I was fine but she was in a coma… they thought she wouldn't wake up."

"So that's when you started fighting," Aeris nodded as though suddenly understanding something important. "You wanted to prove that next time, you could save her. And even though you had barely spoken to her in years… When you were fourteen she was the only one you told that you were leaving. You promised her something that you had already promised yourself, didn't you?"

"She made me," Cloud snorted.

"But you wouldn't have promised if you didn't want to, would you?"

"No." He coughed. "I meant it."

"Exactly," Aeris smiled, holding out her hand again. "Come on. That's all there is here."

"Are we going back now?" Cloud looked up hopefully.

"Almost. Just one more stop to make in the past." She smiled up at him. "Say goodbye."

He looked back at the boy who was still standing rigid in the snow. "Stop hating so much." He whispered. The boy jumped, as if he had heard and shook his head, turning to open the front door of the smallest shabbiest house on the street.

They flew in silence for a shorter time than the first before coming to rest on the side of a snowy mountain. A small group of men huddled around a pitiful fire. Cloud recognized himself among them immediately, he was easily the smallest.

"Alright, who wants to be first at our bountiful harvest?" Zack smirked, pulling a rabbit carcass off the homemade spit. "Mmm. Looks good!" he sniffed the half raw, half burnt meat.

"I ain't touchin that shit with a ten foot pole," one man snorted. "Face it. We just won't eat tonight."

"Oh come on we have to!" Zack protested, stealing himself to take a bite. "It's Christmas you know."

"You keep track of the days?"

"Of coarse! You guys don't?"

"No."

"You kiddin me?"

"I don't even remember what season it is most of the time."

"What about you kid?" Zack ruffled Cloud's hair. "You know what day it is most of the time?"

Cloud took a deep breath and swallowed, but didn't speak.

"Why do you bother with him? He don't talk a whole lot."

"No Sir," Cloud finally answered. "I don't remember the days Sir."

"Stop callin me that, ya make a guy feel old." Zack frowned, taking a bite out of the meat.

"How's it taste?"

"Like shit on a stick. Whaddya think?" Zack spit it out in the snow, grimacing. Cloud's lip twitched. "There! I got a smile out of him!"

"No you didn't Sir."

"A joke too? It's a Christmas miracle!" Zack pulled a heavily crinkled map out of his back pocket. "So _where_ in hell are we?"

"Seventh circle, right under the sixth." One man grunted. Cloud thought that his name might have been Benson.

"Is that the one with all the hookers?"

"No, we ain't that lucky." Benson snorted.

"Boys will be boys," Aeris sighed, clicking her tongue disapprovingly.

"Damn…" Zack squinted at the map in the dull light. "What the hell is this?"

Cloud reached over silently and plucked the map from his hands, turning it around and handing it over.

"Ah. Thank you young one."

"You're w-welcome S-sir," the younger Cloud's teeth chattered, reminding the present man forcefully of the little boy they had just left.

"What's wrong Buddy? You cold?" Zack looked up, mildly concerned. "Hey I got something for that," he rummaged around in his pack, finally pulling out a small silver flask. "Here ya go. Warms ya up from the inside out." He threw it across the fire to Cloud, who caught it easily.

"That's okay," he peered at the flask suspiciously. "I'm al-alright." He paused, giving way to a sneezing fit.

"Oh come on, you'll feel better!" Zack told him.

"Hey I'll have some of that." Benson piped in.

"No. I only got a little left and if the kid dies we're all in trouble. No one would notice if you snuffed it." Zack waved a hand at him. "Now drink up kiddo and that's an order."

"Yes Sir." Cloud grimaced as he drank the bitter beverage. The men roared with laughter at his face.

"What's wrong kid? A little strong for ya?"

"Just a little," he handed the flask back to Zack, who took a swig before tucking it back in his bag.

"Merry Christmas boys," Zack grinned, pulling out a half eaten candy bar. "I've been saving this for an emergency." He broke the small bar of chocolate into smaller pieces and passed them out.

"Mm…" One man closed his eyes. "I don't remember the last time I had something that ain't burnt, poison, or full a' bugs."

"Last week. At that bar out in the middle of no where."

"That was the best Christmas I had ever had," Cloud commented as the men fell into a comfortable silence. "I almost forgot about everything. All the people I had failed. Kinda sad huh?"

"Not at all," Aeris smiled, taking his hand and lifting into the air again. "You were making a new friend. There's nothing sad about that."

"But I only ended up failing him too…" Cloud said softly, his mako blue eyes haunted. "I watched him die. Just sat there with my eyes wide open."

"Now stop that right now!" Aeris frowned deeply at him. "If you don't stop blaming yourself for things outside of your control, I'll drop you right here and now."

"Well what am I supposed to do?" he asked. He could never be angry with Aeris, but he sure as hell be frustrated. "The both of you died right in front of me. How is that not my fault? My sin?"

"Did you do it?" Aeris asked quietly. "Were you the one holding the guns and the sword?" He remained silent. "That's what I thought. You can't blame yourself for someone else's actions. And that's an honest fact. Things are meant to happen the way they did. I never blamed you. Not once. Neither did Zack. So why do you blame yourself?"

"Did you want to die?" he asked, not looking her in the eye.

"No one wants to die Cloud," she said softly. "Even if they think they do. Those who take their own lives… only want to be saved."

"Then I'll never stop blaming myself." He reasoned firmly. "Unless you tell me that the two of you wished to die, I did you no favors by letting it happen."

"You're so frustrating sometimes," Aeris sighed. "I feel for Tifa."

"Why?"

"Oh please! Haven't you seen anything? You've been sending her mixed messages since day one."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Right…" She shrugged as much as she could while flying. "Well you'll learn by the end of the night. If not, well… we'll just have to see."

They arrived back outside his window and flew in.

"This is where I leave you," she smiled sadly at him. "Good bye. I hope you- well, forget it."

"Do you have to leave?" he asked. No matter how confused he was about his feelings, he could not deny that he wanted her to stay. "I'm so sorry about what happened… I know it's too much to ask for a second chance… but couldn't I have a day? To keep talking to you?"

She shook her head sadly. "It was good to see you again. Take care of yourself, will you?" and as she started to fade, she stood on tiptoe to kiss his forehead.

He stood still for longer than he could remember. Replaying their short time together so he would never forget. He didn't know if he loved Aeris… He had thought he did… But he had also thought he was a first class SOLDIER. She was beautiful. A delicate and shining beauty unlike anyone he had ever seen. But he couldn't help but think about how his feelings toward her had lessoned somewhat as he regained his memories.

"She's such a sweetheart, isn't she?" Zack smiled a sad half smile, watching Cloud's confused and troubled face. "Can't for the life of me remember why I ever left."

This brought another feeling to the mounting ones resulting from his feelings for the flower girl: guilt. Had he known she and Zack were in love? Or was he already so delusional by that point he didn't know.

"Oh come on man, don't look like that!" Zack's shoulders slumped. "Just looking at you is makin me depressed. Right, listen up cuz this is pretty damn important." He snapped his fingers at Cloud, who winced. "I said listen!"

"I'm listening…"

"Good God! You're such an emo!" Zack groaned. "Do me a favor, take your mind off of your razor, lift your sorry blonde head and listen to me!" Cloud looked up reluctantly. "Good. All right. This next one is going to show you what is happening this Christmas."

"But I already know what's happening to me this Christmas," Cloud protested. "I'm being verbally assaulted by a dead man!"

"Not you, you dumb ingrate," Zack scoffed. "Other people who you are hurting with your crabby ways! God, do I have to spell everything out for you?"

"Hurting?" But Zack was already talking again

"You got another hour for some shut eye. Get all you can, you're going to need it."

And he was gone. Cloud ran a hand down his face. This was going to be one long night if things kept going the way they were.

**Part two will be coming within the week hopefully! Thanx for reading! It's not very fluffy yet, and I don't think it will be until the end, but whatevs. **


	4. The Final Christmas Carol, part 2

**Okay, I'm really unhappy about the ghost of christmas present. But I know that I kinda said I'd be done by the end of last week... So here it is. The present one is really weird and cliche. I know that I probably should have done this story seperate from my drabble fest because its so long, but I originally intended it to be only two parts. What can I say? Zack keeps trying to hog the limelight! Next time is the last though, I promise. Thank you for reviewing! I'm happy to say this has become the most viewed story I've writen, which makes me oh so joyful. Sorry that I don't have the time/energy to reply to all of your reviews but I appriciate them none the less.**

Cloud woke face down on his bed this time. A dream. A dream a dream a dream. That's what it was. He would look around the room and it would be morning. Tifa would call him down for breakfast and the kids would come in to wake him up.

"Well would you look at that! Sleeping beauty has finally decided to stop wasting my time!"

He groaned, turning over to see an old man, leaning heavily on a cane, glaring at him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Think real hard sonny. It'll come to you."

"Uhh…" He raked his brains. The old man tapped his foot impatiently.

"I _am_ on a time limit you know."

"Ginger Street! 136." Cloud finally exclaimed. "You always send things to your grandchildren in Kalm."

"That's right. Looks like you're not as dumb as you look. Cept it's I _used_ to send things to my grandkids. I died this morning; I don't think anyone's found me yet. I lived alone, see?"

"I'm… Sorry to hear that?" Cloud didn't know what to say in this situation. Well, this wasn't much of a difference to how he normally felt towards social interaction, but this was even more awkward. "Umm… I suppose you want to drag me across time and space to live through one of the worst days of my life now?"

"I ain't taken you any different times. We're just going down the hall." He jerked his head and started to walk through the wall. Thinking being with these ghosts gave him their properties, such as Aeris helping him fly, Cloud strode after him confidently.

"Shit!" he swore as hid nose made sharp contact with the sheetrock.

"Shit is right," the old man stuck his head back through the wall. "I take it back, you're far dumber than you look." He sighed. "This is the part where you use the door."

Cloud scowled, turning and opening his creaky door as silently as possible. He stood in the hall until the man stuck his head out of Tifa's room. "Come on! Don't worry, she can't see you."

Cloud stepped hesitantly around the corner to see Tifa bent in front of her mirror, pulling out the silver earrings she always wore. She hummed softly as she brushed out her long black hair.

"She's pretty," the old man commented. "I can see why you live with her."

"You're a weird old man," Cloud informed him, mildly creeped out.

"Well look who's talking!" The man threw up his hands. "Who's the one who has had a beautiful woman in front of him all his life and has yet to make a move? Oh yeah, that's you. Now watch."

Tifa unzipped her vest and Cloud grimaced.

"You're sick. I'm not watching this."

"Hush up that's not what I meant. Look what she's wearing under it."

Cloud looked up reluctantly and his normally pale face went even whiter. The red rock still hung from a now frayed cord. She sighed; stopping the melody she was humming and picked it up. Examining it, her maroon eyes started to shine. She took off the necklace, slapping it down on her dresser; she turned to leave, straight toward Cloud. He held out his hand.

"Tifa…"

But she passed right through him, out the door and into the bathroom. He followed, watching her wipe her eyes on the back of her hand. She brushed her teeth and took a mild pain killer, putting a hand to her forehead. Cloud frowned. He didn't know she got migraines.

"Tifa?" a soft voice came from the children's room.

"What is it Marlene?" she cleared her throat and went to check on the little girl. "Can't you sleep?"

"Well no," the girl admitted. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well what is it?" Tifa sat on the edge of her adoptive daughter's bed.

"Can Santa bring things that aren't presents? Like Hope and Joy and Love and stuff?"

"Well of coarse," Tifa frowned. "Why? I thought you liked presents."

"Of coarse _I _do." Marlene yawned, closing her eyes. "But I know some people who need one of those other things but I don't think they would know to ask Santa for it. Do you think Santa knows?"

"Of coarse. I'm sure these people will have the merriest Christmas ever. Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

"No that's okay." Marlene closed her eyes. "Maybe you should with Cloud though. He doesn't sleep good."

Tifa grimaced at the implications of this innocent statement. "No I don't think so. Good night Marlene."

"Good night Tifa."

"Alright, that's enough of that," the old man held out his hand. "I don't like wasting time so we'll just cut to the chase. Close your eyes."

"No."

"Do it you ingrateful youngster!"

"Fine." He took the old man's hand and closed his eyes. Something in his stomach jerked and he stumbled slightly. "That was fast. Where are we?" Cloud looked around at his surroundings. They were in a cold stone room lit with ancient torches.

"What the-" A tall man in a tattered red cloaked stepped slowly into the room. "Vincent?"

"He can't hear ya kid." The old man informed him. "You're just like me right now. Not really here. You following me boy?"

"Yeah…" Cloud mumbled. "It's just that I thought he was staying with Cid and Shera."

"He left this morning," the old man shrugged as Vincent opened a dusty old casket in the corner and climbed in. "Just too happy for him I guess. Poor lonely bastard."

"But still… he shouldn't be alone. No matter what time of year it is. If he didn't want to stay with the Highwinds, he should have come to the bar."

"Well that's just tough beans I guess." The man shrugged. "That's all here. We can go back now."

He grabbed Cloud's hand and they were back in the upped level of Tifa's 7th Heaven. "Well I guess this is sort of my last hurray before I end up in the life stream. At least I'll be with my sweet Rosie again. And my youngest." He sighed. "Not much of a party I must say. My son better give me a damn good funeral or I'll haunt his ass forever. Do you even know my name?"

"No. I never read the names off the packages."

"Thomas. Tom Fair."

"Wait what?" Cloud's head jerked up at the name. "Fair…" he whispered. "You're not… are you?"

"Oh yeah, word is you knew my lay about son." Tom shook his head. "Can't imagine where he got them fool ideas in his head. Good kid… If only he made something of himself."

"What are you talking about?" Cloud said angrily. "Zack didn't waste the life he had! He went for his dreams and he succeeded! How could you say that about him?"

"You don't know nothing bout raisin' kids do ya?" Tom snorted. "You always hope they're going to do something great. Save people. Make a difference in the world. Not cause more death and pain."

"He did make a difference." Cloud growled. "To me he did. I would be dead right now if it weren't for your 'lay about' son."

"Hum. Really?" Tom frowned. "Well that's something I guess." He sighed, beginning to fade. "I wish I could help my other son… no one has the money to pay him anymore…"

And he was gone.

"Zack? Where are you?"

"Present."

Cloud whipped around to see him leaning against the doorway.

"You didn't tell my your dad was next." He accused. "Hell, I didn't even know you had a brother! How come I never knew?"

"You never asked." Zack shrugged. "Me and the 'rent's never really got along. They thought I should have been a doctor like Nate. I had a falling out with them right before I left. Never sent them a letter or made things right. Course you can imagine that was hard on them when they found out."

"I live in the same city as your father and I never knew him…" Cloud kicked his dresser out of sheer frustration.

"What's your problem? What would you have done if you'd known?" Zack asked, slightly sullen. "Gone up to his front door and said, 'Hey man! I was the last person to see your son alive!' Pft. He would have slammed the door in your face."

"I could have talked to him. Anything except not knowing."

"Oh come on. It would have only been more angsty for you." Zack checked the clock again. "Listen, you're really starting to worry me," he said seriously. "Watching all this? And you haven't gotten a thing yet! You really need some help, but you need to be ready for this last one alright? No matter how much you just want to run from it and end it all, you have to see it through okay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just promise me you'll see it through and really try alright?" He jumped as though shocked by an electric current. "I've got to go. This is the last time I can see you. Good bye little buddy!"

"Wait! Don't go! I have to ask you-"

"There's no time! I'll see you when you finally croak!"

And he was gone just like before. Cloud sunk onto his bed again, trying to remember if he had ever felt so alone before.

"Wake up."

Cloud groaned. He couldn't believe he had fallen asleep again after all that had happen.

"I said get up."

"Leave me alone," he grumbled, not much caring about who the next ghost was. He felt fluish and cold. Something about seeing Zack and Aeris again made him feel even worse about their deaths. Now they were gone again and it was almost as bad as the first times.

"I thought I told you to get up." There was the thud of heavy boots and Cloud felt someone grab him by the collar, pulling his face up. "Hello Cloud."

Cloud let out a feral yell, reaching for the sword that he kept at his bedside. But Sephiroth merely laughed.

"You are so predictable. So simple minded and weak. How you ever managed to survive is beyond me."

"I killed you," Cloud growled. "Don't talk to me about who's weak!"

"Please. Let's just get this over with. Come with me." He let go of Cloud, who fell back against his pillows before getting to his feet cautiously. His nerves were humming, or maybe that was the mako, he didn't really care which. The only thing he cared about was getting rid of Sephiroth as fast as possible.

"Where are we going?"

"Out."

Cloud followed him down the stairs, across the bar and out the door. The ice-cold wind hit Cloud's skin and he shivered. He watched Sephiroth cross the street, cars and pedestrians alike passing right through.

"Come on," Sephiroth said impatiently as Cloud hesitated to follow. "You'll be fine."

Cloud took a deep breath and stepped out onto the street.

Searing pain coursed through his entire body as screeching tires filled his ears.

"Oh. Maybe you won't." Sephiroth's smirking face was the last thing Cloud saw before blacking out.

His senses weren't registering the way they should be. Oddly enough, his sense of smell seemed to be the most constant. Gasoline fumes were starting to make him feel sick. He went from being completely numb to feeling so much pain he almost cried in turns. His hearing and vision slid in and out of focus. A few voices were shouting, some screaming. A child was crying.

"What the hell happened?"

"Someone get him to a doctor!"

"What _happened?_"

"Just walked out into the middle of traffic, crazy bastard."

"How horrible!"

"There was no way I could stop! He was just there all of a sudden!"

"Don't worry, we'll take him to the hospital."

Before he knew it, his whole body was numb and his hearing was gone. His sight came into focus.

A young woman looked down worriedly. There was a trickle of blood dripping unimpeded down her forehead. People ran on all sides of him, holding him by his arms and legs. Were they carrying him? He couldn't feel a thing.

"What happened?"

His hearing was back as a man with a facemask leaned over him.

"I was driving at about 50 and he just stepped right out in front of me!" The girl sobbed.

"It's alright. We'll do what we can."

"Let me in damn it!"

Oh no… It sounded like someone was moments from being kicked in the face. He should warn them about Tifa's temper… But he was just too tired. Sure enough moments later, a resounding crash filled the air and there were shouts of:

"Miss! What do you think you're doing?"

"You can't go in there!"

Tifa's flushed face appeared above him and he tried to speak but his mouth refused to move.

"Damn it Cloud!" she shouted. "Don't you dare leave me! I swear to God you'll regret it!"

"Miss, you have to leave now, we're going into surgery."

"Things get hard." She was only whispering now and Cloud felt his hand being squeezed. "But damn it Cloud, that doesn't mean you stop fighting!" She left his sight and he tried to lift the hand she had touched, to call her back. To tell her he was sorry and he hadn't meant it to happen. But his body didn't respond.

"What can we do for him?"

"Not a lot. Just try to keep the blood out of his brain and lungs."

"He's broken just about everything. Even if he does make it, mind you that'd be a miracle, he won't so much as lift his head."

He wondered who they were talking about when his vision and all consciousness he had left blacked out.

"No!" a strangled cry pierced Cloud's mind.

"I'm sorry, we did the best we could."

"Let go of me!" There was another crash and the door to the room Cloud was in burst open. "Shit!" Tifa rushed right past him and to a pale bloody figure on a gurney. "Shit, wake up Cloud!" She took the figure's shoulders and shook him. "Damn it, don't you leave me, not now…" she sobbed. "Remember? You promised… who's going to save me now, huh?" she tried to smile, wiping a bit of blood from his snow-white face. "Who's left to keep me out of trouble now? Huh? Answer me that." Her shoulders shook with suppressed tears as she held onto him tightly. "Answer me damn it…"

"I'm sorry Miss. There was nothing we could do. He's gone."

Cloud tried to touch her shoulder. To tell her that he was there and that wasn't him, that thing lying dead on the gurney. But his hand passed through her.

"Tifa…" he tried to talk to her but she didn't look up. "Tifa! I'm right here. Don't worry. I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry Miss."

"Shut up!" Cloud turned on the doctor. "Can't you see that doesn't help at all!" The doctor flinched and looked up at the ceiling as though he had heard and was trying to find the source of this new hostility. "What is wrong with you people? Can't you see she's upset?"

"I know you're upset," the doctor continued, putting a hand on her shoulder. "But there is nothing left you can do. Nothing anyone can do."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," she whispered. "He was supposed to die fighting, maybe against impossible odds. Not lying limp on some hospital bed!" she smacked his hand away, whipping around. "You tell me how this is fair! How this is right!"

"It's not. Death is never fair. Only the good die young."

"You're no help at all!" Cloud wanted to hit the doctor for being so dense. "Tell her she should scream! That she should hit something! Break something! That's what she needs to hear! That she should fight back! She's too strong for you're generic comforts!"

"Yeah, the good," she wiped her eyes on the back of her hands. "The innocent kids who get hit by a drunk driver. Not Cloud! Not him! He's not your cookie cutter grad student that you can say good things about at his funeral. He's a real person! He's human, not some stereotype that people sigh for when they see the story on the news!"

She pushed past the doctor and out the door.

Cloud followed her, stepping right through anything in his way. She pushed her way through the masses of doctors, nurses and families.

"Wait!"

"You are so pathetic," Sephiroth commented at his elbow. "Running after her, thinking it will make a difference. She can't hear or see you. What can you expect to accomplish?"

Cloud had no answer. He didn't know what he wanted to do. All he knew was that he couldn't let her out of his sight. He followed her out into the streets and through the city. She ran as though the devil himself was chasing her. Cloud found that he didn't tire out at all and could easily keep up with her. She turned down a side street and pushed open the doors of the church.

"Help…" she whispered, shivering uncontrollably. "Please… I know you're here. I just need some help! Anything!"

A single flower broke away from the rest, floating across the pool to rest at Tifa's feet. Aeris smiled sadly at her.

"She's not taking this very well is she?"

"This isn't happening!" Cloud turned to stare at her. "This isn't right! I'm dreaming."

"No," Aeris smiled sadly, her eyes full of pity. "I'm sorry but it's real. But I suppose I would say that in a dream as well." She shrugged. "So I guess it's up to you."

"Just tell me what I should do!" Tifa cried, anguish seeping into her voice. She looked around the church as though expecting to see someone, her eyes passing over the two watching. She picked up the flower and held it in her hands. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "What should I do without him? How do I live when I know he did that?"

Aeris stepped forward and put her translucent arms around her old friend. Tifa shivered as though she felt the ghostly touch.

"I love him…" she whispered. "How could he?" She shook her head, squeezing her red-rimmed eyes shut. "He hadn't been himself, but that's to be expected! Especially lately!"

Cloud could barely stand to look at her. He had caused her all this pain.

"We had a fight…" she whispered. "Well… Not really a fight… but I was angry. He was drinking and I asked if he minded if I sat with him. He didn't even look at me and told me he wanted to drink alone… So I told him to drink in his room if that's what he wanted. We didn't yell… But he was angry, I could tell… Ever since then… He's been leaving for longer and longer…" she shook her head, throwing the delicate yellow flower to the ground.

Cloud stared. He remembered that night. He had been thinking of all the people he had failed and hadn't even thought about his response to her innocent question before it fell from his lips. He remembered her face, going from shock to sullen reproach.

"Now he's left me for good! How could he do that? How could he even think of doing anything but _fighting_ to live? That's all we know how to do! We just fight until we can't, and when we can't, someone else is always there to keep us going! But he's always had a problem with asking for help…" Tifa knelt down at the pool, her head in her hands. "Just tell me how to make it go away. The hurt! I wish I didn't love him. I wish I could have just watched the two of you and said, 'they make such a cute couple.' Just like everyone else. But I never could. I didn't hate _you_ for it… I hated myself! I was the jealous friend. A cliché. No one noticed. Sometimes I thought you did. But I guess you know now." She curled up on the floor of the church like a child. "I'm going to stay here tonight, if you don't mind. It's better than walking past there to get inside."

"You can't," Aeris's hand hovered over Tifa's shoulder. "If you won't be strong for yourself, do it for everyone else. Namely the children. They'll worry if you don't come home."

Tifa stood, as though coming to her senses, wiped her eyes again and left.

"I need to change this," Cloud said decisively. "This can't be how it ends up being. She's too strong to cry like that, that's not right. How do I go back and fix it?"

"You can't," Sephiroth replaced Aeris. "Didn't you feel the pain? Don't you know this is real?"

"I thought you were supposed to show me the future! You can always change the future!"

"This isn't the future," Sephiroth grasped Cloud's shoulder, sending a burning sensation through his body, or rather his soul as he no longer resided in the flesh. "This is."

**Mwahaha. Cliff hanger. Ain't I evil? I write the most sappy angst when I'm in a good mood. Weird no? But I digress. I pretty much just put in that part with Mr. Fair because I wanted to make the present ghost more important and longer. It's uber cliche but I really needed to get past it other wise we'd still be staring at my first chapter until I'm a 46 year old cat lady.**


	5. The Final Christmas Carol, part 3

**I am soooo sorry... I don't really have an excuse just now... but if you wait awhile, I might be able to think of one. Sorry, I think Sephiroth is OOC but I dunno, it's hard to write for a villain in a more... I dunno, peaceful role. Also I think my other characters slipped a bit because I had to just force myself to stick something down. Okay, now don't wet yourself, but there is some stuff that if you squint _real_ hard ( and you're delusional enough), might look like yuffentine, but I see it as a sort of broXsis sort of thing. That's it. That's all you get. And I tried to fit in the usual cliche 'Christmas Carol' qoutes toward the end cuz I felt I owed it to Charlie Dickenson. So here it is! The long awaited conclusion to my mini series within a drabble series...**

* * *

Chaos surrounded them on all sides. People ran from the beasts that were springing up from the ground, screaming. Cloud whipped around. Three men with silver hair stood, watching the massacre with smirks on their faces. Cloud recognized them as some of Sephiroth's clones immediately.

"You did this," he rounded on the crazed Ex- SOLDIER.

"Obviously," Sephiroth rolled his eyes toward the sky. "Did you really expect me to stay dead?"

The screams rose to a deafening volume, as there was an almighty roar. One of the gray haired men had summoned Bahaumet.

"Someone has to stop them!" Cloud stared in horror at the ball of blue flame gathering at the summon's mouth.

"_Someone_ is trying," Sephiroth smiled cruelly, gesturing toward Vincent, who was emptying his cartridge into the great beast. Moments later, he and anyone else in the area were engulfed in flame.

"Vinnie…" Yuffie was standing feet away, her eyes wide in disbelief. "Son of a bitch!"

"Don't even think about it!" Cid called over his shoulder, trying to keep a handful of shadow creatures away from a group of listless looking children. "You'll get yer ass killed!"

But she had already taken off, throwing her huge weapon as she went, a stream of curses flowing steadily from her lips. She was blind to everything around her, including the beast that flew from the ground and tackled her. Cloud looked away before he could see the tiny ninja meet her end, her screams making his stomach churn.

Red XIII leapt into view, his fur bristled as he growled at the gray haired men. One pulled out a blue handled katana blade from a sheath on his back.

"Look brothers," he took a wider stance. "They've sent their pets to fight for them."

"This will be fun," another pulled out a gun. He fired a rapid succession of bullets. Red XIII dodged and jumped for a long while before a well-aimed bullet pierced his skull.

"Red?! Dammit!" Barret aimed his machine gun of an arm, fury dancing in his eyes. He fired fiercely, a solid stream of bullets flying from his arm until a shadow beast sent a claw through his back.

"Shit man…" he choked through his own blood. Cloud squeezed his eyes shut to avoid looking at his friend fall to his knees. Cid was finally slashed by the man with the Katana, taking at least twelve beasts down before he finally fell to the ground. His killer left the other two, disappearing into a nearby building.

"Denzel! We have to go. Come on Sweetie. Fight it! I know you can…" Cloud's eyes went wide as he looked down at Tifa. She looked wretched. Her beautiful red eyes were dull and blood shot, her hair was limp and ratty, she wore a pair of loose black pants and a baggy stained T-shirt. Tears gathered in her eyes as she bent before the small boy, holding his shoulders. "Come on Sweetheart. Wake up…" She swallowed a sob. "Be strong. Please. I don't want anyone else to leave me…" The boy stared blankly, not responding.

"Tifa!" Marlene's high voice sounded over the screams. She stood in the middle of the whole mess, looking around her. "Daddy! Where are you?"

"Over here Hun!" Tifa waved her hand. "Marlene! Over here!" Marlene ran over to her, burying her face in the woman's leg.

"Tifa I'm scared…" she whispered. "I can't find Daddy."

"It's going to be okay Marlene," Tifa rubbed her back comfortingly. "You're going to be fine. I want you to do a big favor for me, okay?" She pulled the little girl gently from around her leg. "I want you to take Denzel back to the bar, alright? No matter how much he doesn't want to go, just get him back all right? And when you get there, go in your room and don't come out until someone you know comes and gets you, alright?"

"What about you?" Marlene looked up at her worriedly. "When are you coming home? Can't you come with us?"

"No Sweetie," Tifa choked a little but tried to smile reassuringly. "I'm not coming home right now. Just stay safe, okay? Promise me you'll do what I say, all right? No matter what happens. No matter what you see."

"No! I'm not going home without you!"

"Marlene, go home right now. I'm not joking," Tifa tried to hide the tears streaming down her face. "Go home!"

"No! Promise me you'll come home too!"

"Hey! You two!" Tifa stopped Reno and Rude as they ran past. "Take Marlene and Denzel back to the bar."

"Yo we don't got time to-"

"Do it Turk! You owe us!"

Rude nodded and picked up Denzel like a sack of potatoes under one arm. Reno groaned, lifting a screaming Marlene into his arms. Tifa ran the moment it was certain Marlene was safely in his grasp.

"Come on kid, yer ma says we got to go."

"No! Let go of me you bad man! Let go!" she beat her tiny fists against his head and shoulders. "Take Tifa with too!"

"Come on kid, stop hittin me!" Reno staggered to his feet, fighting the squirming child. "Shut your mouth you little brat!" He finally gained his balance and started running after Rude. "Yo! Man, wait up!"

Rude slowed only slightly, waiting for his friend to catch up. Once they were level, the two ran in perfect time together at record-breaking speed, considering their loads.

But a moment later Rude only made a small grunt as he fell to the ground, a red stain spreading slowly across his back.

"What the- Dammit!" Reno looked over his shoulder then ran back to his fighting partner. "Aw hell no man!" He bent down next to Rude, still gripping a wriggling Marlene. "Come on Buddy, get up. You've gotten outta worse than this! It's only a scratch, yo! Get up!"

"Get the kid," Rude croaked, barely lifting his head.

"Forget the kid man, I ain't leavin you behind. The kid can save his own skin-"

"No! She told us to save them. Do it."

"Alright man," Reno gritted his teeth, faking his usual cocky grin. "But I ain't sticken round there. Soon as I dump the kids off, I'm comin back for ya, all right? Don't go anywhere yo!"

"Good bye, partner."

"Hey man, quit that. I'll be right back. Promise. You won't even notice I'm gone." He grabbed Denzel off the ground, his knees shaking. Reno was proud that he was in excellent shape, except perhaps his smoke ridden lungs, but he was no body builder and the weight of two children would slow him down considerably. "We're going to get through this buddy, alright? The two of us. Like always." He called over his shoulder as he ran.

Cloud felt mildly disturbed. He had never seen the Turks show any form of emotion other than cruel amusement. To see the foul-mouthed womanizer concerned for someone other than himself and the nearest half-dressed woman was a shock. But his worry was mainly for the children, and he let out a cry of horror as a shadow creature tackled the red haired figure and his two charges.

"Shit yo!" Reno, as a last ditch effort to get the children to safety, threw them away from himself. He gritted his teeth and cried out in pain as the beast bit into his shoulder. "Run for it kid! Dammit, just go!"

Marlene, too afraid to refuse, grabbed Denzel's hand and pulled him along behind her.

"Come on! We have to go home!" She cried, turning away from the horrible sight of the Turk being savaged. "Let's go Denzel, come on!" She squeezed her tear filled eyes shut, leaning away from Denzel in attempts to drag him. He stumbled along after her, only moving his feet when it was necessary not to fall flat on his face. Before long, they turned a corner and were out of sight. Cloud said a silent prayer that they stayed safe.

"Over here bastards!" he turned to see Tifa confronting the two remaining silver haired men.

"Go home while you still can woman," the one with shorter hair advised, raising a dangerous looking weapon on his arm. "We'll let you live if you scream nice and loud."

"I stopped living along time ago," she growled, raising her bare fists. "There's nothing left you can take from me!" She started on the attack, pounding every inch of them that came within a good four feet of her. Once it was obvious this new opponent would take more than bare fisted boxing to dispose of, the man with the gun aimed and fired.

Tifa coughed, her arms wrapped around her stomach. She straightened shakily, stumbling only slightly as a second shot pierced her shoulder. She finally fell against the monument that stood as Edge's center, her eyes half shut.

"No…" Cloud ran to her, bending down in front of her motionless form. "Come on Teef, you're fine. Get up."

"Cloud?" she croaked, her eyes opening a little wider.

"Yeah, I'm right here," slightly encouraged that she could hear him; he tried lifting her head up a little straighter, but to no avail. He still wasn't solid. "Hang on, we'll get you some help." He searched around frantically for someone who was not already fighting for their own lives.

"You're late," she whispered, her eyes slipping out of focus. "You should have been here hours ago…"

"I know," he blinked tears from his eyes. "I know I should have. Just hang on a bit okay? Just- just keep talking."

"Okay," she nodded, her breath slowing slightly.

"Somebody help her! She's dying!" he called over his shoulder to anyone who could be listening. "Just hang on Teef. You know I'm sorry I left. I really didn't mean to. But it's all going to be okay now, right? We're going to be a normal family, just like how you always wanted. Me, you and Marlene and any other kids that need a home, right? Just like a family. Our family…" He tried to stop the flow of blood from her stomach without success.

"Thank you for finally coming…" she breathed, smiling slightly. "I knew you would… I missed you…"

"I did too Tifa," He gave up trying to find help and just sat, staring at her. Translucent tears streaming down his misty face. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I left. But things are going to be all right now. I won't ever leave again. I'll stay and help out at the bar. Let someone else deliver everyone's damn mail, right? They'll live without Strife Delivery Service. To hell with all that. I'm never leaving the bar again."

"Hm, you don't have to do that," she mumbled, her speech starting to slip and slur. "That'd just be silly…"

"Yeah maybe. But I would, if you wanted me to." He swallowed a cry as she coughed, a little bit of blood trickling from the corner of her mouth. "I love you Tifa."

"Mnnn I love you t-" her chin fell forward onto her chest.

"Teef?"

She didn't respond.

"Take me back," Cloud rounded on Sephiroth, rage taking over every inch of him. Cloud was not an angry person. He generally left the shouting to his many hotheaded friends. But this was always the one thing that could break him, his loved ones in danger.

"Oh? You want to watch again?"

"Damn it just take me back so I can fix this!"

"Oh my, you are only getting more stupid. You see," Sephiroth led him away from the mass of destruction and bodies. "That's not the way it works. You're dead. Dead people can watch things all they want, but they can't change them. This is everyone doing their very best without you. To be truthful, I wouldn't have thought it would make much of a difference. But I suppose that only goes to show that even I can't be right all the time."

He gripped Cloud's shoulder again and this time, the scene around them rushed and spun. Cloud landed on his hands and knees. There was grass all around him. He looked up. A headstone stood before him:

Cloud Strife:

We hope you found the

Peace you were looking for

He reached out a hand to touch the cold marble. This couldn't be real. He wasn't dead. If he was dead, who was staring at the head stone? He looked around to see more graves. He didn't recognize any of the names.

"Where are the rest? If this is real, then wouldn't they be buried here to?" He asked, trying to convince himself more than anything that this was just some illusion.

"Of coarse not," Sephiroth smirked. "Do you really think I would give your little friends burials? They weren't worth that."

"Then what are we doing here?" Cloud felt numb. Well, not numb, that wasn't right. He'd have to have a body to feel any thing. But he couldn't tell if he cared about what happened next.

"This is where you stay," Then, Cloud _was_ afraid of where this was going to happen. The numbness was gone and was replaced by an all encompassing urge to live. He didn't want to die. This couldn't just be it. He looked back at the headstone and found that where there had once been grass, an open grave stared dauntingly up at him. "Good bye, Hero."

A booted foot pressed up against his back and he fell face first into the pit.

_

* * *

Shit. Damn._

After what seemed like ages he landed, the breath forced from his lungs. He coughed, feeling the ground beneath him. Instead of dirt, he felt grainy wood beneath his fingers.

"What the hell?" He groaned, opening his eyes. A familiar shade of hard wood floorboards stared back up at him.

"It's Christmas, it's Christmas!"

"What?" he croaked.

There was a loud pounding from somewhere above him.

"What?" he tried a little louder. He pushed himself up off the floor, looking blearily around.

"Wake up Cloud! It's Christmas!"

"Christmas?" his brain wasn't bringing him up to speed. What happened? There was a squeak and the pounding of small feet drilled a hole right to the center of his migraine.

"Why are you on the floor? Why did you sleep in your clothes?"

"Huh?" He stared blearily up at Marlene, who was frowning down at him.

"Did you drink too much and faint like Yuffie does?"

"No…" Suddenly his brain clicked. "Marlene! You're safe! You got home alright!"

"What are you talking about?" she poked his forehead. "Are you sure you weren't drinking with Yuffie?"

"Yeah I'm sure," he jumped to his feet, hugging her tightly. "And Yuffie is alive! That means everyone else is alright too!"

"Why wouldn't they be?" Marlene sounded muffled, as her face was being smothered in his sweater. He let her go, holding her out at arms length. "Tifa says that when people act like this, they should take a cold shower and drink coffee."

"Sorry Marlene," he looked around his room, hardly daring to believe it. "Denzel! What time is it?"

"7:00," the little boy raised his eyebrows at how strange he was acting. "It's time to open presents…"

"I'll be back in a little bit," he grabbed his gloves and tried to pull on his boots as he hopped out the door. "Just give me a few minutes!" He stopped in the office before he left, shuffling through a stack of papers. "Yes! Got it!" he pulled a small slip out triumphantly. He paused a moment. "Marlene, would you call Vincent and invite him over for Christmas? Hell, invite everyone!"

"Sure," she nodded skeptically.

Cloud thundered down the stairs like a child, bursting out the door and into the snow. He kicked his Fenrir to life, taking off without noticing that he hadn't bothered to wear anything warm.

"Morning kids," Tifa stumbled out of her room, wrapping a fluffy bathrobe around her. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Tifa," Marlene turned to her. "Cloud left."

"What do you mean Clou-" Tifa's eyes lit up with rage. "Oh no he didn't…"

"He did," Denzel wandered around Cloud's bedroom curiously. "He didn't even sleep in his bed. He was on the floor when we woke him up."

"How dare he," she growled, subconsciously clenching her fists. "On Christmas! Any other day is one thing but this is the last straw!" She stormed out of the room and down the stairs. There was a great clanking and banging from the kitchen. Marlene and Denzel looked at each other, confused.

"What do you think she's doing?" Marlene asked, her eyes wide in awe.

"I don't know…"

* * *

Cloud finally came to the address on the paper, jumping off his bike and pounding on the door of the small unkempt house. 

"Come on…" he mumbled, shivering slightly. "Uh… Hi!" he stammered when the door opened. A blonde woman in a bathrobe stared curiously up at him.

"Hello…" she raised an eyebrow at him, setting her coffee mug down on the side table near the door. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, is this the Fair residence?" now that he was here, he didn't know what to say.

"Yes…" she frowned. "I'm sorry, but we just got some very bad news…"

"Yeah, I know and I'm really sorry," he scratched the back of his head. "I know this is really sudden and strange but-"

"Who is it?" a tall black haired man with glasses came up behind the woman.

"Oh- uh, hello," Cloud tried to remember a time he had been more embarrassed. Oh yeah… the 'dress incident', as he had come to think of it as. "You're Nate Fair right?"

"Yeah…" Cloud tried not to stare. He looked exactly like Zack, albeit an older and lankier version. "I'm really sorry about this. But… would you and your family like to come over for Christmas?"

"Who are you?" Nate stared at him incredulously.

"Uh… I'm Cloud Strife. I- I was a friend of your brother's…"

* * *

"What do you think she's going to do to him when he gets home?" Marlene breathed, staring at Tifa who was madly preparing coffee as though her life depended on it. This was obviously a way to distract herself until Cloud returned. 

"Kill him, probably," Denzel whispered fearfully. There was the roar of an engine.

"He's back," Marlene hissed, looking up fearfully as Tifa stopped her frantic motions, freezing in place.

Tifa slammed the coffee pot down, turning and storming out of the kitchen. Cloud walked in the door, just in time for Tifa to start shouting.

"Cloud Strife!" she roared. " What is wrong with your goddamn thick head?! Where have you been?! You better give me a damn good excuse in the next ten seconds or I will personally-"

"Tifa…" he whispered, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. Alive, well, and cussing him out. He grabbed both of her arms and pulled her into a kiss.

For a second, Tifa stood, shocked. But after a moment, she wrapped her arms around his neck, positively jumping into his arms.

"Whoa…" Denzel's eyebrows disappeared into his hair.

Cloud dropped Tifa in surprise.

"Shit!"

"Sorry Teef!" Cloud turned bright red. "Uh…"

"Does this mean we're a normal family now?" Marlene asked curiously.

"Umm…" Tifa rubbed her back gingerly. "I- Uh,"

Cloud helped her to her feet. "I think it's time for you kids to open presents!"

There was only one thing that could distract the two children from their guardians suddenly and unceremoniously bursting into sever make-out-ness the middle of the bar, and this was presents.

They attacked the pile of gifts, leaving the two adults to stand awkwardly in the entryway.

"So where were you?"

"Huh?"

"Don't think you can distract me that easily, Strife," Tifa's lip twitched. "Though I've got to say you came pretty close…"

"I uh," he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry about that…"

"Leaving? Or kissing me?"

"Both?" he winced, hoping this was the right answer.

"Relax, I was kidding," she smiled at his sheepish face. In her opinion, no look could be sweeter on him. "But I _would _like to know why you left."

"I uh, found something," he mumbled, taking a slip of paper out of his pocket. She took it, staring at him curiously. Her eyebrows shot up when she read the name on the address.

"Hm…" she frowned. "His…?"

"Brother," Cloud stared at his feet. "I hope you don't mind… I invited him and his family over."

"Oh coarse not," she smiled broadly. "The more the merrier!"

"Good, then I won't feel so guilty about barging in."

"Vincent!"

Marlene and Denzel ran to the cloaked figure as he shut the door.

"Vincent, what a nice surprise!" Tifa turned away from Cloud for a moment to smile warmly at the new guest.

"It's no surprise," Cloud put in hastily. "I told Marlene to call him. And everyone else." She looked at him questioningly but he shook his head. "Later." He mouthed.

She shrugged, starting to make the coffee again, her efforts a lot less violent this time. Cloud gave her a hand, taking out all the mismatched mugs he could find.

"When are they coming?" She asked quietly.

"Any time now," Cloud tried to think of something else he could do. After what he had done, he felt awkward unless he was busy with something. Standing and just talking to her didn't seem like something he should be doing… He cleared his throat. "Their kids weren't awake yet. They- they aren't doing so well. Nate's a doctor but no one can pay him. You know how things are outside Edge. They said they didn't have anything for the kids today…"

"How horrible…" Tifa mumbled. She did a few quick mental calculations. "I think I've got about twenty in the tip jar. If I head out now I might be able to get back in time. How many kids does he have?" She moved to grab the jar near the cash register but he caught her hand, dropping it when he realized what he was doing.

"No, I picked some stuff up on the way here." He jerked his head at a pair of extra gifts under the tree.

"How nice of you," she smiled. "What's gotten into you today?"

"I had a… dream."

"Must have been one hell of a nightmare." She frowned slightly to herself, knowing that she wasn't getting anything else out of him unless he really wanted to tell her later.

"Yeah."

"It's funny, Marlene was just talking about you having sleeping problems last night."

"I know."

"Huh?"

"Nothing…"

"Alright, the party can start now!" the door bounced against the wall as Yuffie burst in. "Merry Christmas everyone!"

"Hi Yuffie," Tifa looked up, surprised. "How'd you get here so fast?"

"Ah, the mysteries of life," Yuffie sighed vaguely, hanging her thin jacket on the back of a chair. They were obviously not going to find out how she had made the trip so quickly. "Where is everyone?"

"You're the second one here," Cloud tried what he must have thought was a welcoming smile. He was trying very hard not to imagine her dying screams when he looked at her. "It's good to see you Yuffie."

"What's wrong with him?" Yuffie asked Tifa, looking suspiciously at Cloud. "Did you drug him?"

"No," Tifa laughed, shaking her head. "He's just in a good mood or something."

"I wouldn't say good," the young ninja looked mildly repulsed. "Drunk or high maybe. But Chocobo Head is never in a good mood."

The rest of the group arrived in the next half hour, bringing food and small gifts.

"What's the big idea? Plannin things so late?" Cid asked, helping Shera remove her thick wool coat.

"Don't ask me," Tifa shrugged. "It was Cloud's idea apparently. Just woke up and wanted everyone over."

"What? The pretty boy? Voluntarily organizing a social get together?" Cid slapped Cloud on the back, making him choke on the mug of coffee he was drinking. "Well grow me a tail and call me a jack ass! It's a Christmas miracle!"

"Let the boy breath, Cid," Shera chided. She held out a tinfoil-covered pan to Tifa. "I brought this, I hope you don't mind."

"Of coarse not, they smell wonderful!" Tifa had to exercised every ounce of self-control in her body not to devour the brownies right then and there. She _loved_ chocolate. "But they'll have to wait until after the real food."

"Food sounds good about now," the bell jingled as Reno stepped in, closely followed, as always, by Rude.

"You called the Turks too?" Cloud's mood dropped ever so slightly as he turned to the little girl.

"You said everybody," Marlene shrugged. "And I don't think they had any where else to go today."

"Yeah but I meant everybody that we _like_," he sighed. "Never mind. You're right." He turned to the two assassins, his face friendly. Not smiling but that was nothing new. "Umm…" he tried to think of something fitting to say. 'I hate you but its Christmas so just don't talk to me or anyone else and you'll walk out of here on both your legs' sounded about right…

"Hey Strife," Reno seemed to sense the hostility emanating from him and decided to ignore it, but at a safe distance. "The kid said you were wasted and wanted us to come. Late night?"

"Sure, something like that." Cloud tried to remember the Turk's attempts to save the children he had witnessed that night, and tried to forget running from him and his kind with Zack. He made an attempt at civil conversation, more than he offered most people. "What are you and… The rest doing these days."

"Cleanup," the red head's face was dead serious, not even a hint of his usual condescending smirk as Cloud expected. "It's a wreck. But things get a little safer every day. You wouldn't believe the damn idiots that try and stay in the old city. Have to drag 'um out by the ears half the time. After the plates are stable, we're out to…"

"Healin," Rude grunted stiffly.

"That's right. Gunna go retire. You know us, gotta love the quiet life." He avoided Cloud's eyes, making the swordsman think he was leaving something out. Cloud didn't care, so long as he didn't have to pretend to like them for much longer.

"Cloud's talking to Turks?" Tifa raised her eyebrow, watching the tense but controlled exchange between them. "What's up with him today?"

"Maybe Yuffie is right," Vincent commented, looking mildly bewildered at the words coming out of his own mouth. "I never thought I'd say that… But he may be using some kind of mood altering substances."

"Just say crack Vinnie," Yuffie ordered him.

"Crack."

"Good job. Now say 'Cloud's on crack'."

"Cloud is on crack."

"See? You're learning! Pretty soon you'll be able to use your phone!"

"Regardless," Vincent scowled, trying to pull the subject back. "He doesn't seem himself and the answer could lay with…" he sighed at the expectant look on Yuffie's face. "_Crack._"

"No I don't think so," Tifa smiled slightly. She couldn't really imagine Cloud taking drugs. He barely even drank. "But something is different."

"Who's complaining?" Cid shrugged. "It's definitely an improvement. The poor kid's so quiet most the time, now look at him." He gestured at Cloud, who was laughing at something Barret had just told him. Actually _laughing_. Tifa tried to remember the last time she had heard Cloud laugh. She was pretty sure it was the night the two of them and Barret had broken open those bottles of Coral wine and stayed up until all hours of the morning talking. He had laughed then. The others were even more shocked. They had _never_ heard Cloud laugh.

"Yup, defiantly crack," Yuffie nodded wisely, as though she had a lot of experience in this subject.

There was a knock on the door and everyone quieted down. Who knocks on the door of a bar?

Tifa opened the door and jumped a little, blushing when she realized how close she had come to gasping out 'Zack?'.

"Come in!" she smiled welcomingly at the small family. "You must be the Fairs."

"Yeah…" Nate looked mildly embarrassed. "Thank you for inviting us over. It was very kind of you."

"Don't thank me," she grinned, pulling Cloud over by his sleeve to greet their guests. "Get over here. He's the one who thought of it. Silly man didn't even notice the name on your packages until this morning. And to think I thought there was a brain under all that hair!" She teased, tugging one of his spikes as she turned to go check on her turkey. She left him to make an awkward attempt at being a good host. It was so cute when he tried so hard.

"Who's that?" Marlene looked curiously around Barrett's leg.

"Uh, everyone, this is Nate and Crystal Fair," Cloud tried his best to make introductions. "These are their kids, Lily and Zack."

"Oh, _that's_ what these are for," Marlene picked up two small packages. "Santa must have known you were coming over." She mused, handing them to the other children politely. Cloud gave an inward sigh of relief at how perfect the little girl's timing was. The looks of excitement on their faces broke the moment of tension. "I'm Marlene, and this is Denzel," she continued, tugging the boy's sleeve. "But he's real shy."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Yeah, Lily's shy too," Zack smiled timidly at them. "Are you sure these are for us?"

"Of coarse, they have your names on them," Marlene bounced excitedly. "Open them! I want to see what you got!"

"Okay…"

"You didn't have to do that," Nate looked embarrassed.

"Coarse I did," Both Tifa and Crystal were trying to decide which of the two men was turning a brighter shade of red. Right now it was about even. "Forget it."

"I'll insist on paying you back."

"I said forget it." Cloud turned around and pretended to be very busy with setting the largest table so nothing more could be said.

* * *

When they all sat down to dinner, or rather breakfast, as none of them had eaten yet, Cloud looked around at his friends. No, not friends. Friends were people you met and enjoyed being around. This was something else. This was his family. He had never felt closer to anyone than he did to the lot of them. Except the Turks. But… he smiled slightly as he watched Reno teaching a captivated audience of children elaborate card tricks and the usually silent Rude mumble a compliment to Tifa's cooking. Maybe they weren't so bad after all. They _had_ tried to save the children. 

Thoughts of his- Dream? Vision? What was it? - Drifted back into his head. How could he know what was real? It had _seemed_ like it was actually happening… He had felt the pain, smelled the blood and sweat. But Cloud was no stranger to memories that weren't his and he still had trouble sometimes discerning between reality and what he thought he knew. Maybe it was better that he didn't know. He looked at everyone, trying not to see the fatal wounds that felled them. Especially Tifa. He shivered, remembering the trail of blood sliding out from the edge of her soft lips… He didn't want to think of that. No, it was best not to think of it at all, except to learn to spend more time with his family because of it.

Before they knew it, it was dark out and the children began nodding off.

"Time for bed you two," Tifa chased them up stairs, each clutching their new toys.

"We'd better be going," Crystal checked the clock. "We've still got an hour to drive home. It was lovely to meet you all. Thank you so much for inviting us. It really made this Christmas special. Especially for the kids."

"No problem," Cloud stood at the door, seeing them off, his cheeks only mildly pink. He still felt embarrassed that he had invited perfect strangers over seemingly on a complete whim. He shook Nate's hand as he left.

"You know, when I got letters, telling me about some 'twitchy little blonde kid with a shit load of hair,' I had no idea what my little brother was talking about." He shook his head, smiling. "Guess I figured it out now."

Cloud swallowed. He had never noticed Zack writing any letters. "He wrote to you? I thought…" he blushed. He shouldn't know this, but he couldn't stop himself. "I thought he was kind of on the outs with your family."

"With our parents yes," Nate's face fell slightly. "Specially my dad… They just didn't get along. But I was moved out by the time he left and he sent me a few while he was on the road. I've still got them. You can imagine I was glad I saved them after…" He trailed off, letting the phrase 'Zack was killed' hang unsaid in the air. "Anyway, thanks. Got to say it's a bit of a surprise, but we had a great time."

Lily smiled shyly from behind her mother's skirt. "God bless you. God bless _us_, everyone."

Cloud just stared at her, at a loss. What was that about?

"Come on sweetie, let's go," Crystal picked up the sleepy girl and carried her outside. "We can't thank you enough. This has been so wonderful."

"Yeah, glad you could come," Cloud waved as the rusty old van pulled away from the bar.

"Well, I'll see ya Chocobo head!" Yuffie bounced toward the door. "Hope you crash and come back to normal!"

"Sure thing Brat," he grinned evilly, thinking of a way to creep her out even more and enveloping her in a bone-crushing hug.

"OH MY GAWD!!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she shrieked, trying in vain to squirm out of his hold. "EWWW!!!! Teef! Control your man-thing!" she kicked his shins and ran for her life, leaving everyone to laugh at her inside.

"Damn…" Reno tilted his head to the side, watching Yuffie as she made her way through the snow; his eyes roving much lower than any decent person's should be looking.

"Eyes up Turk," Tifa advised, smacking the back of his head as she passed.

"Bah humbug."

"What was that?"

"Nothin," the Turk pulled out a cigarette and dodged the second blow she aimed at his head, holding his hands up defensively. "Hang on! I ain't lightin up yet yo. I'm leavin, I'm leavin." He jerked his head at the door. "Come on partner, it's not that late, we can pick up a few chicks on the way home."

"Thank you very much for your hospitality," Rude nodded at Tifa, and left a step behind the red head.

"They behaved themselves," Tifa commented, wiping down the table. "I'm surprised."

"Yeah, they're alright… sometimes."

Tifa grinned. "And you let them leave alive. How nice of you."

He snorted. "It wasn't easy." The bar was empty and the sudden silence was making him uncomfortable. "Uh, do you need any help?"

"No, I've got it," she replied automatically. "But…" she paused. "I dunno, would you mind making some hot chocolate? I only got one of those brownies that Shera made and now I want more."

"Sure," he didn't know what Tifa liked so much about chocolate; he'd never really been a big fan of it. Too sweet for his tastes. When he was finished mixing the drinks, he made his way over to the small couch and coffee table in the corner, setting down the steaming mugs on a pair of coasters. "You sure you don't need any help?" He didn't want to sit down and relax while she was still cleaning up.

"No, I'm done already. Jeez you're impatient!" she teased, wiping her hands on her apron before walking over to sit with him. She took a sip of her cocoa, humming her approval. "Mmmm… this is good…" She closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax, sinking into his shoulder. Cloud swallowed audibly, his shaking hands making the spoon rattle in his mug.

"What's wrong?" she frowned, sitting up straight again. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"No, I just-" he tried to think of a reason other than 'being close to you makes me nervous.' "Bad night's sleep… I'm… kinda drifting in and out."

"Oh. Right…" she reluctantly accepted his feeble excuse but sat straighter and less relaxed than before.

"Sorry…" he swallowed. How did he manage to screw everything up so badly? "I didn't mean for you to move."

She smiled at his blushing face. She would have thought he would be better at this sort of thing after that morning… she tried not to be too obvious in licking her lips. "You don't have to ask twice." She leaned into him again, marveling at how warm and comfortable this new arrangement was.

Slowly and tentatively, he put his arms around her, staring off into space rather than looking at her. Somehow, staring at the clock steadied his nerves. 12:16. Tick tock tick tock. Her breathing started taking on a slow and even rhythm and he looked down. She had fallen asleep quickly, a small smile still tilting her lips upward. He smiled too, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you…" he muttered to the empty room.

_Sure thing kid._

Cloud grinned, kissing the top of Tifa's head as she slept. The couch was so comfortable… his bed didn't seem that appealing anymore. He leaned back, careful not to disturb her as he settled in for a much better night's sleep.

* * *

**Finally! I'm done! I feel so free... Sorry about the fluff being so... I dunno, kinda detached sounding. But it's hard writing from the point of view of a guy! It makes me angry... That's also why I kinda slip into 3rd person omnipitant when I write fluff. Hahaha... I don't know why but Reno saying Bah Humbug makes me giggle... A shout out to RiverGoddess16 for moral support and betaing. Now it's your turn gal pal!**

**I think, since I took so long on this, I'll give you an idea of the parade of plot bunnies that attacked me during the writing of this: 7 clotifs that shall be posted in this very series, 1 fluffy Zaris, 1 Reno (no pairing suggested) and 1 Reffie, all three of which shall be posted as seperate one shots. Yeah... no rest for the wicked I guess... I must have angered (or pleased) some weird heathen god of inspiration.**


	6. Real Family

**Okay, I feel bad about not posting in so long (the reffie plot bunnies are attacking! save me!) so I'll throw you one I've been messing with for awhile. It's pretty rough but I really wanted to do one from marlene's POV. She's so sweet! I love Marlene. I'm not sure how old she is here, cuz sometimes she acts more teenagery and other times she still acts like a toddler. So just decide for yourself. Can you handle that my kittens?**

I don't know who my real family is. When people find out that I don't have real parents who are constantly at home, they're shocked. They seem to think I need a mom that will scold me and tell me I can't see boys until I'm sixteen. They seem to think that it's wrong that I'm friends with my mother figure. But I never thought it was wrong before. It makes things so much easier. I never have hissy fits and falling-outs with my parents like all my friends do. If that's wrong, I don't know what is right.

Aeris was my sister, but as I get older, it gets harder and harder to remember her. Even as a little kid, I knew she was special, different. When I was little, I used to wish on every shooting star I saw that I would grow up to be just as beautiful as her. Well, that never worked out. I've stopped wasting my wishes on that, it isn't going to happen. Sure, maybe I've got the brown hair, even if it is a shade duller and darker. But I share none of her sincerity in my face, only stubborn defiance when I'm angry and idiotic laughter when I'm happy. Aeris was an angel when she was alive and now. When she died, she left another part of my family lost. Cloud.

We all loved him, still do. He's kind of the one we gather around. He doesn't demand attention like some leaders do. He just is so quiet most of the time, that when he talks, you owe it to him to listen. He's gotten more like himself since the Geostigma was cured. I remember jumping up and down in joy when everyone was getting cured and seeing him catch Tifa's eye. I swear, for a second he smiled for the first time since Aeris died. He loved her, we all knew that. But I don't know if I was the only one who thought about it, but I always wondered which part of him loved her. The part that that thought he was Zack, or the part that knew who he really was. I'd never dare bring it up to anyone, because to question the love of someone who is no longer living is the cruelest thing I can think of.

My dad is great. He's the only one who is anything to me legally, but the only difference I see is that I've always called him Dad instead of Barret. He's so worried about me all the time, like he thinks he'll lose me if he turns around for five seconds. I guess a lot of people are like that these days. Because you _could_ lose some one that easily. And we have. Everyone I know has lost someone very important to them. Be it parents, siblings, loves or friends. I try to be real patient with Dad, because he lost his whole family before me. But it's a little hard not to just yell, 'I'll be fine Dad! Stop panicking when I'm five minutes late!' Because I know he'll just be upset if I do. We've never fought, and I'd like to keep it that way.

I guess you could call Tifa my mom. I mean, I've lived with her for longer than I can really remember very well. But she's also my best friend, after Denzel. She even lets me help out at the bar, something that would make most moms faint. I can't imagine life without her; she's just such a constant, not to mention strong, force. That day I saw her fight, I'll never forget thinking that she could take on the whole world if she wanted to, but she doesn't because then there would be nothing left to take care of. Because that's what she does, takes care of everyone, helps them find their place and keeps them safe from everything that could hurt them. Some how I've always known she was the one who saved Cloud from what ever was hurting him, in her own way that no one else could.

The rest, even if they don't come around a lot, are just as close. Vincent, Yuffie, Cid, Nanaki, and to a smaller extent, Rude and Reno. They come around the bar every once in a while, so that there is usually at least one extra person around. They are like aunts and uncles, even if one isn't even human. I've learned all my favorite things from them. Picking pockets from Yuffie, even if Cloud would kill her if he knew. Cussing eloquently while fixing everything under the sun from Cid. Too many wise philosophies to count from Nanaki. I learned to pray from Vincent. Rude and Reno made a group effort, taking me to the shooting range a couple weekends one summer. I have a box that I made when I was a kid. Inside I keep my first coin purse I lifted, a list of my favorite swears and quotes, my rosary, a monkey wrench and a sig Sauer bullet. I take it out whenever I'm missing them. It helps me remember everything and everyone I love.

Well, I guess I've gone through everyone, so I may as well talk about Denzel. He's my brother and my best friend ever. When it's cold, he always gives me his jacket. I've never had my own coat because I know that if I need one, Denzel will just hand his over without a second thought. That sounds so bossy and bratish, but it's true. He's got one of those idiotic leather biker jackets that Cloud gave him for his birthday one year. But it's lined with flannel and warmer than anything I've ever worn so who's complaining?

So this is all I'm thinking about as I get dressed, pulling on my black spandex shorts, yellow tank and blue stockings covered in colorful stars that reach my knees. Last, I put on a black sundress with white tiny polka dots, a black hat with a star of rhinestones, black gloves, and a red scarf. Cloud's always telling me that I'll freeze to death one day, but he doesn't know about Denzel's coat. I trot down the stairs, jumping the last couple steps to land on the hard wood floor.

"Hey Marley," Tifa is at the counter, cleaning glasses. "What are you doing today?"

"I dunno," I shrug. "Hang around the town."

She gives me a reproachful look. "You aren't going to steal anything are you? You know I don't like that."

"Not today," I know that she'd never stop or punish me, only let me know she was disappointed. That's the most effective kind of discipline. I don't like her disapproving of me. I respect her enough to want her to have a good opinion of me. So I only steal when I have a reason to. And I never keep the money, I get enough in tips. No, the church collection plate is heavier when I've been lifting. "Are there any good movies out?"

"Not that I've seen," Tifa shakes her head. "Why don't you go to the church? Cloud's been... a little upset lately. I think he might be there. Check on him for me, would you?"

"Sure," I nod knowingly. It's early spring, about the time of year that Aeris was killed. The one time of year Cloud begins slipping away from us again. So I dig around in the closet for a pair of shoes. Mine are missing so I grab Tifa's spare high tops. "I'll be back later."

The streets are full of people moving around their weekday business. I wave to a few kids I know from school or the orphanage.

"Where you going Marlene?"

I smile, "Hey Denzel. Just the church. Teef asked me to talk to Cloud. You know."

He falls in step next to me. "Mind if I come with? I haven't seen him around lately."

"If you're up to cheering him up," I retort warningly. "You know how hard it is to get him out of that rut he digs himself into." I shake my head sadly. "Sometimes I don't know if it's because he can't forget her, or because he can't remember her."

"I know what you mean," We turned the corner, coming on the old broken down church. I cross myself as we step through the doors, just like Vincent taught me. "Cloud?" Denzel calls out hesitantly. "You here?"

But I see him before he even answers, crouched at the water's edge. The water never leaves, no matter how dry it gets outside; the church still has the waste deep, sparkling pool in the middle, ringed with flowers. Cloud glances over his shoulder at the two of us.

"Hey kids," he attempts a smile, as though if he pretends, we won't be able to see he's depressed.

"You haven't been coming home at night," Denzel comments. "You missed Nanaki and Yuffie. She brought this," he holds out a blue materia. "She says that it should make up for losing some others."

"Thanks," he takes it, turning it over in his gloved hand. We wait for him to say something else, but he doesn't. He just sits, staring at that little blue ball. I look around the church. His crate and bedroll are set up in the corner again. With a pang of sadness I see a few beer bottles lying around. Not more than three though. Cloud can't hold his liquor. Denzel must have seen the bottles too, because he grimaces.

"Let's go to the movies," he suggests abruptly. "Com'n Cloud. If you're with we can see something rated R."

"There's nothing good out," Cloud points out dully.

"So? We can get kicked out."

"Not today kid. I'm tired."

"Of what?" I finally talk but he's still staring at the materia. I don't know why, but suddenly I'm ticked at him. My hands are clenched and I'm glaring at him like he'll start on fire if I do it enough. "Living without her? Remembering? Or are you forgetting and you're scared to death that you'll wake up one day and not think of her?"

He turns the materia over some more, just staring at it for what seems like forever. "You've been hanging around Tifa too much," He comments finally.

"Good. At least one of us has been!" I don't know why I'm chewing him out but I can't stop. "You leave thinking it will make things better. But you end up more depressed and don't even notice that she misses you. That _we_ miss you! Every year we go through this and you never notice that it doesn't help!"

"How do you know it would be better if I stayed?" He talks all quiet, like he doesn't want to waste his breath defending himself. "How do you know it would help?"

"Because family always helps!" I'm so mad and I still can't figure out why. All I know is that I'm shouting every negative thought I've ever had about Cloud. Denzel is staring at me like he doesn't know whether he should be scared or impressed.

"I don't have family," the sad look on his face is only making me more angry.

"How can you say that?!" Tears are starting to well up in my eyes and I understand them even less than my rage. "_We_ are your family! Dad, Tifa, Vincent, Cid, Yuffie, Nanaki, and even the Turks! Denz and me too! We all love you and just want you to come home! You say that you're not alone anymore and that you've moved on. But if that's true, why won't you talk to any one person alone? Don't think no one notices when you leave the room because there's only one person left! Why are you so scared of being alone with one person? Are you scared that if you get too close, they'll get taken away too?" Some part of my brain realizes what a horrible thing that is to say. But I can't stop the flood of accusations.

"Maybe." he is still staring at that little blue orb and I have this mad urge to take it and chuck it at the wall. "I don't really know what I'm scared of."

I get ready to start shouting again, but I see the flowers and think of Aeris. I suddenly get all calmed down. What's the point of yelling? It never works. "Dilly Dally, Shilly Shally."

He finally stops turning the ball around and looks up again. "What?" And suddenly I'm scared that I just said something bad. But a little bit of anger is still left so I repeat myself

"Dilly Dally, Shilly Shally."

"Who told you to say that?" I'm trying to figure out why he looks half mad, half hurt. "Was it your mom?" Cloud always refers to Tifa like that, even if none of the orphans do.

"No one told me to," I'm kind of getting nervous now. "But that's what you're doing. Dragging your feet."

"That's what they told me then too." I'm pretty sure he isn't talking to us anymore, but to himself. "They're right..." He gets to his feet. "You're right."

"So you'll come home with us?" Denzel perks up, glad that I'm not yelling anymore.

"Later today," He sees the look of distrust and reproach on our faces and chances a small smile. "I'll come home tonight. I've just got one more stop to make." We are still staring at him because we don't believe a word of it. "I promise, alright?"

"Right!" We chorus. Cloud gives us another smile, a more real one this time. He raises a hand.

"I'll see you two tonight then."

"Bye!"

"Thanks Cloud!" I don't know what I'm thanking him for, but it seemed to fit.

He leaves the church kinda slow, tightening his gloves and putting on his biking glasses. Denzel and me are just standing in the church, each thinking our own private and confused thoughts. I see the materia Cloud left on the ground and pick it up. It's opaque but sort of translucent too. And pearly marble, like a Christmas ball. I underhand it softly into the water and watch it sink to the bottom slowly.

"And thank you too."

"What should we do? I'm bored out of my mind." Denzel asks as we leave.

"You actually want to get kicked out of a bad movie?"

"No, I was just trying to get him to do something outside of that church."

"So you want to do something out? Or stay in?" I don't really care what we do, so long as it's something other than walking around the town.

"I dunno, something inside," he's already shrugging off his jacket. "It's cold." He holds it out and I can already see the hair on his arms standing up.

"Thanks," I wish I could refuse, but he looks so hurt whenever I try.

"Wanna play a game in the attic?"

I smile. The bar doesn't have an attic, but that's what we call a few sheets of plywood we dragged up into the rafters one day. Well, more like watched Dad drag up for us. We keep everything up there. A T.V., radio, board games, books and decks of cards. "Sure."

So we get back to the bar and it's empty. Not really that weird for a Wednesday afternoon. But even Tifa is gone. I see a note on the counter and read it.

_Ran out of eggs, be back later. Tell Cloud I'm sorry if I missed him. Thanks! TL_

Denz reads over my shoulder and shrugs.

"Well hopefully they'll get home around the same time. I'd hate to have her miss him."

We climb the rope ladder and pull it up behind us. The Attic is full of pillows, blankets and fans. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter but it's the one place we don't have anyone bothering us.

"Five card draw?" Denzel digs around in the mess to find a deck of cards.

"Alright."

We play for a long time and I'm starting to get bored. The light is getting dim and I wonder what time it is. I got up late again, so my internal clock is out of whack. Tifa came home a while ago and is polishing the bar, humming softly. I'm about to suggest we play something else but the door opens.

Denzel opens his mouth to say hi to Cloud but I clap my hand over it.

"They think they're alone," I mouth pointedly.

He grins and nods. We creep to the edge of the Attic, straining our ears trying to here their soft voices.

"Hello Cloud," Tifa gives a small smile, but I know she's a lot happier than she shows.

"Hey Teef," He slides into a stool.

"I can't hear." Denzel whispers.

"Me neither," I start shimmying along the rafter in front of me. I hear Denz follow on the one next to me.

"I'm glad you're back," Tifa ventures after a few moments. "You want a drink?"

"Sure."

Tifa mixes a drink I recognize as Cloud's favorite. She never forgets who likes what, like I do when I'm helping out.

"Thanks," Cloud takes a sip and swills around his ice. "I am too."

"What's that?" Tifa starts wiping down the bar again.

"I'm glad I'm back too," he stares into his glass and I'm wondering why he can't look people in the eye when he's talking to them. "Things _are_ better with family."

I almost whoop I'm so excited that he's finally figured that out and that he's stopped moping around. But I restrain myself because I'm too interested in the conversation and where it will take two of my favorite people on the planet.

"That's true," Tifa smiles. "And you know your family is always with you, no matter where you happen to be staying, right?"

"Yeah," he grins. "I got the message."

Tifa tries to hide a smile. Of coarse she knows what he means, she's the one that sent me after him. "That's good." She moves around the counter to clean up the stools. "Sometimes I wonder if you know how much you mean to- us..." I can tell that 'us' was not what she wanted to say. I bite my arm to stop myself from shouting something. This is _way_ better than the movies.

"Hm..." Cloud swallows real hard. He stands up kinda slow, like he's putting it off. "I guess now is as good a time as any..." He says like he'll regret it in a minute.

"For what?" Tifa looks up, confused and I can tell she's scared he might leave again.

He doesn't answer, just kisses her kinda soft and fast.

She just stares at him a second and I'm kinda scared that she's mad or something. But no worries. Pretty soon, we're sitting up there, watching them totally making out! I mean seriously, if they knew we were there…

You know, I almost feel bad to break it up, but how long am I supposed to stay quiet?

"Nicely done!" I cat call pretty good if I do say so myself. "Just like in the movies!"

Denz executes the perfect wolf whistle, making me jealous. "I didn't see that one comin!"

They jump about a foot in the air, pushing away from each other.

"Kids!" Tifa looks about to murder someone. Namely us. "Get down here!"

"No!" We giggle like idiots, thinking there's nothing she can do to us up here. But she jumps up in the air, surprising us. We forget our precarious positions and jump back. My stomach plunges as I lose my balance and start to fall. I hear Denz yell out, trying to stay on the thin beam. Just before I've resigned us to broken bones and bruises, hands shoot out and grab the back of our necks. We both look guiltily up at Cloud, and for once, I know why some people are so scared of him. I swallow really loud and Denzel fidgets, his feet swinging a few inches from the ground. Cloud's lip twitches and I hear Tifa try to stifle a laugh from up in the rafters.

"What's so funny?" I grumble, glaring at them. But this only makes them burst out laughing harder and Cloud drops us. I look up at them, surprised. I don't remember if I've ever heard Cloud laugh before. But it's contagious and I start giggling too. And I've realized, who cares? Who cares that I haven't got any biological family. I know Denzel misses his parents, but it's hard for me to miss someone I don't really remember. And I've never cared less then right now. This is the best family ever!

**Alright... Sorry about the lack of chemistry in this one. It just kinda played out this way. I promise that the next one will be more fun. And alot better in general. But I'm not giving a date cuz then I panic and freak about it and never get it up on time any way.**


	7. What Hurts The Most

**I fell in love with this song after watching a really good AMV on youtube for it (Cascada version, I'm not a huge country fan, but gotsta lurv the techno) Check it out if you want. Anyway, the song fits beautifully with how Tifa was feeling during On the Way to a Smile: The Case of Tifa. Some of my conversations are cannon (but mixed translations :P) so I tried to be acurate. This is probably the least time I've ever spent on a fic, so tell me what you think of a short rush job! It is kinda choppy but I was trying to fit the lyrics...**

* * *

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me **

I can take you being gone. Really. I don't have to pretend about that. Sure I miss you when you're not here, but I can handle it. I'm laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling because I can hear the rain falling. I really hope it doesn't turn into a storm. Then Denzel won't be able to sleep, and Marlene can't sleep while he's awake and then I'll have to go and sit with them until they fall asleep. Then they'll see that I've been crying. But still, I'm fine with that. I'm fine with crying over you, even if it hurts. 

Yuffie keeps telling me I'm better off without you anyway. And it hurts to hear her say what I know is probably true, but I can take it. I can take all this stuff that's being thrown at me. I can smile and nod and tell her she's probably right, because she is. I can do it. I can go through my day, doing everything normal except waiting for you to come home. Because I've stopped expecting it. No. No I don't stare at the door when I'm all alone in the bar. I really don't, I promise. You can believe me about that. I don't worry about you any more either. Because you never called anyway, so I'm not worried that I haven't heard from you in weeks. In weeks. I haven't seen you in weeks. But I'm okay with that, really. It's not something that hurts too bad. More just a dull ache now.

Because it was even worse when you were here.

**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do**

_I had been worried about you. You weren't acting like yourself. So I snuck in your room while you were asleep. Did I ever tell you it hurts seeing you have nightmares? Most people look so sweet and peaceful when they sleep. Not you. I almost cried seeing your face all screwed up because I knew that you were reliving them dying all over again._

"_We'll be alright, won't we?"_

_You just kept sleeping. I tried pushing your hair out of your face to smooth out the frown there. It didn't work. Maybe because I was so sure you won't wake up, I asked it._

"_Do you love me?"_

_Then your eyes shot open like I just screamed in your ear. I thought of some way to save what I had just said to you._

"_Hey, Cloud. Do you love Marlene?"_

And talking to you then was what made me realize how far away you were, even though you were right there. Living in _our_ house, as a part of _our_ family, in the bar that _we_ built _together_ with Barrett. For all that, you were still separate. That's what hurt. That's what I couldn't stand. Being right next to you, thinking of how much I love you and not seeing a thing but your blank closed face.

That night, under the Highwind, I thought for sure things would be different after that.

"Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel."

Remember? Just sitting there, looking at you and not knowing what was going to happen to us. I thought for sure… there had to be something after that, right? There had to be some follow up after I finally gave you a hint. This tiny clue of this huge thing eating me up on the inside. This whole thing that I know is love but why does something that's supposed to be so good hurt so bad? I couldn't stand watching you anymore. But that's all I can ever do. Watch you and hurt because you won't look me in the eye.

**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken**

I shop through all the vegetables, picking out the best ones. I have to shop now and it feels odd. I can't just ask you to pick up something on your way home.

"Thank you Miss Lockhart," the cashier gives me my change and a few extra gil. "And could you give this to Mr. Strife? I didn't have enough to pay him when he made my last delivery."

My breath catches because now I have to explain that you don't live with me any more.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to give it to him the next time you see him. He doesn't live at the bar any more." There. Saying 'at the bar' is easier than 'with me'. See? I told you I'm fine. I've come up with little tricks like that to make it easier. And I don't mind having to explain to people. Really I don't. Because I know you're still alive at least. You won't answer your cell, but I can ask anyone around town if they've seen you, and odds are, they have. Except me. It seems like everyone has seen you around but me.

When I get home, Cid and Shera are sitting talking to Yuffie. They look up and go quiet when I come in. Yeah. Real inconspicuous. But I smile and pretend I don't know they were just talking about me.

"Hi guys. It's nice that you came by."

"We were in the neighborhood," Shera smiles nervously, elbowing Yuffie.

"Well Teef…" Yuffie starts and I can just tell that it's another 'get over him' pep talk. "You really haven't been your usual self lately. It's not like you to be stuck on depressing stuff all in your own head."

And I stop because I remember you telling me something like that.

_"It's not like you to be troubled by your thoughts." You smiled at me so that I'd say something._

_"It's... Just the way I am." I didn't know what else to say because I don't want to tell you that I was thinking about you._

_"No. You're much more cheerful and strong. If you've forgotten the way you were then, I'll be there to remind you." Even though you're gone now, I'm still touched for that. You actually managed to say something sweet with out getting embarrassed._

_"You really will?" I remember looking up at you and feeling like everything is going to be alright, because you were finally smiling. I don't remember you ever smiling before._

_"Probably," and there's the embarrassed blush. You're so cute when you're embarrassed._

"I'm fine Yuffie," I smile at her and start polishing the bar to keep my hands busy. "Things have been going great. I've been making enough money for me and the kids. The customers don't get too violent. Nothing I can't handle. Most of them leave if I ask nice enough. I haven't had a fight in here in weeks. Things have been going great."

"Right." Cid flicks his cigarette off into the ashtray with excellent accuracy. Shera puts a hand on his arm warningly. "Oh no, you ain't stoppin me this time." He shrugs her off and gets to his feet. "Darlin, you've got to resolve this shit with that man. If he don't come home? Fine. Then you forget about him. If you can get him back here talkin to us? Great. But stop hangin out in the middle! This ain't you, and we don't want to sit here watchin you suffer through it alone."

"I'm not alone." I just keep cleaning. But on the inside I'm so mad I could just hit him. He shouldn't talk about you like that. Like you're some cruel person torturing me on purpose. Even If I'm mad at you too. That I can't see you and that I haven't spoken to you in weeks. "I have the kids. And you and the rest coming along every once in awhile. It's been going really great for me."

"Stop just going through the motions!" Yuffie's on her feet too now. "We all can see you miss him alright? Tell us what we can do to help you! We'll talk to you. We'll work this out with you!"

"I'm fine," I just keep smiling softly at them. They just don't get it. Really, I'm fine. But I already told you that. "Honestly you guys. Don't worry about me, okay? I'm doing great."

"Alright, we're leaving," Shera sighs, grabbing her coat. "Just come and tell us if you need to talk, alright Hun?"

"Yeah, sure thing," I just keep smiling at them but they don't smile back. "It was good to see you again. Come over any time you want, alright?"

"Yeah."

* * *

It's another morning. Another day that I wake up with you gone. I pull the blankets tight around me and for a second I can pretend that you're there too. On a morning like this, you might wrap your arm around me and kiss my cheek. It's time to get up. The kids need breakfast. You'll help me with the eggs. It's so nice of you to help me with breakfast all the time. 

But you're not there. You never were there. Even when you lived here you were in the room next door. I know it isn't something I should be worried about, especially now. But I couldn't even touch your hand without you turning away. What does that mean? That you don't want to be close to me? Are you afraid of being near me and what that would mean? I would try not to get too close to you because you would always pull away. And that hurt more than anything.

I get dressed and brush out my hair. I remember when I first cut it, you told me it looked nice. When I laughed, you blushed and locked yourself in your room the rest of the night. That was so sweet of you to say something. I never thanked you for that. I never said anything about anything like that. You always tried so hard to say the nicest things and I would just smile back at you. I should have said something back. But I just never thought of it until after you left.

**What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
**

"Tifa! Tifa!?"

I don't believe it. No. You're not here. It's just my imagination. Maybe a hallucination after getting the shit beat out of me. I try opening my eyes and swim through the sleep that's wrapping around me.

"You're late," is all I can manage. My brain is just playing the same thing over and over again. _He's here, he came. He's here, he came. He's here._ And you're holding me, trying to wake me up with out hurting me, shaking me gently.

"Who did this to you?" You say it like you're going to rip out the guy's throat or something. It's the only thing you get mad at. Your friends getting hurt.

"He didn't say," I must be stupid and slow or something. My brain just isn't coming up with anything. Dark keeps slipping through my vision and I can't focus on your face. Funny, it's never something I've had a problem with before. I feel like I'm drunk. Everything's all fuzzy. Even your sharp blue eyes, looking wide and horrified down at me are blurry whenever you move your head. Then I remember. "Marlene!" I sit up but my head throbs. Remind me to take an advil when we get home, would you? I fall back and the last thing I remember feeling is your arm catching me before I hit the floor.

**What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**

I want to just say everything to you. Everything I've ever wanted to say. How have I never noticed before how hard it is to be close to you? How did I ever stand being alone with you before? I love you. _Love_ you. You. Not this guy that's given up on life and just told Turks to go looking for our children. Yes _our_ children. I know we aren't parents. But we raised them together. They are ours.

And what is this shit about not being fit to save anyone? I don't know what you're going through, that's true. I've got no idea what it's like having Geostigma. But I can't even sort out my feelings about all this just now. You're _dying_. _You're_ dying. Dying. No. This isn't right. And you're sure as hell not making things any better with this depression act. This thing you've suddenly got about being afraid of everything. Can't you see that you'd have it so much easier if you let me help? I don't know what to do, but that's not my fault. It's you who won't let me in. Closed up, huh? Well, that's nothing new I guess. I'm used to it. And that's how I can stand not knowing how to ease your pain. I'll let you stick it out yourself. Just get your ass moving and do something, because this whole 'let everyone else take care of it so it's their fault if something bad happens' thing is getting really old really fast. Let's go and find our children. Please. I can help you if you just open up.

* * *

"No giving up!" And I mean it. Don't you dare give up on me. I will kill you if you think that you can take all this lying down. We're your friends. We don't let you just stop fighting. So stop thinking that you can get out of being who you are. 

**Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do**

The kids of the town are all splashing around you. You look kind of embarrassed. I've said you're cute when you're embarrassed before, right? Denzel is laughing with everyone else. I'm glad that he's alright. He was so sick. I was scared for him.

And you're smiling. Smiling again. A week ago, I would have done anything to see you smile again. Funny. I didn't have to do a thing to get you smiling. You've got a great smile. I wish I could see it more often.

I don't want to say I think things will be better now. Because I have thought that so many times before and it just hurts so much worse when they fall apart again. But I've just got to believe it this time. This time I know that you'll stay at the bar. Stay at _home_. And you'll never leave again. You'll never be gone unless you have to. Promise me that, okay? And if you want to leave, tell me why. Don't just go. I know that goodbyes are hard, but please, for my sake, tell me when you leave… okay? Please. That's all I ask from you. I could stand never telling you I love you if you would just be honest with me. Just promise me you'll be there, alright? Just for me.

I haven't seen you in weeks. In weeks. So I'm soaking in looking at you right now. Your smile, your stupid Chocobo hair, your eyes. You've got such beautiful eyes. Don't ever keep me from seeing them again. Ever.

Because that's what hurts me the most. Watching you slip away from me without knowing why. Being next to you and being able to touch you while you're somehow far away. Don't ever make me feel that again. Promise me that and I can take anything.

**Yay! Happy ending to bittersweet songfic! I'm a disney ending kinda gal, so sue me. I feel so refreshed! I finished a whole songfic in one day! And just for the record, I've got this done at 12:20 in the middle of the night. I didn't even start it before I posted my last one in this fic, and that was around like, noon or something. So I pretty much wrote this and went about my daily business in less than twelve hours!Woofta! So yay! It feels good. I feel so back in the game! It was a rough couple days here but I'm back now. But I can't post it just now because my Beta has something going on early tomorrow so she has to sleep for once :P. Jk. Snaps to her for balancing so many different things and still finding time to beta for me!**


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